The alienation of my son, Sam (#002)

Evil Anne had me completely fooled. We grew closer with each passing day. I really thought I had met the love of my life. Almost with each passing day, I learned more and more disturbing things about her … yet I was so taken by her that I just took them in my stride. I reasoned that we all had a history and baggage and that we must face our respective issues together as a couple. After all, that’s what love is all about, isn’t it?

One of the biggest issues to surface within just a few days after I had met her, was that she had recently lost her job and was about to be evicted from her apartment. She also had no money for day to day living expenses. I could not stand by and see her get kicked out on the street, right?

Right!

If only I did.

Little Jay and I lived in a big house with lots of space inside and out after all. It just felt right to invite her and her two children to move in with us until she was on her feet again. Yes, I know … I had only met this person a few days before. How stupid could a man be? Apparently I gave new meaning to the word stupid. I am the first to admit to that fact … but I was kind of forced into a corner, don’t you think? What else was I to do, in the absence of lots of spare cash to send her way?

The situation was such that we had no opportunity to date in the conventional manner. Our relationship did not have the chance to develop normally and to go through the normal phases. If we did have the opportunity to date properly, we would not have lasted long … and no harm would have been done. We did not have that luxury. My hand was forced. I had to invite her into our house.

Well, I didn’t have to … but I felt that was what I needed to do. I was in the position to help, so I did make the offer. With that decision, I invited total chaos, destruction and pure evil into our peaceful and loving household.

What I didn’t know was why this woman was in the position she found herself in. You see, what actually happened was that she had – yet again – been involved with a married man, whom had lured her from Pretoria to Port Elizabeth with a job proposal. He promised to leave his wife for her and that his new company would look after her financially. So, what she did was to simply abandon the job she had in Pretoria. She moved to Port Elizabeth without so much as a word to her employer. One day she went to work and the next she just didn’t pitch up. Yet, later in the same year, she cunningly would try to sue them for unfair dismissal. Yes, that’s the type of person we are dealing with here … a sly, deceitful and opportunistic character.

Everyone else are to blame for her decisions and the situations she puts herself in.

Shortly after this woman had moved to Port Elizabeth to be with the married man she was having an affair with, his wife found out about the affair … and all hell broke loose. Things became very chaotic, ugly and stressful in double quick time. The love triangle was exposed to the bone. The end result was that Evil Anne then lost both her job and her married lover. He simply turned his back on her and chose to stay with his wife, leaving her high and dry. Go figure.

There Evil Anne was – again – blaming all of the world for the mess she had created herself. The story of her life. The problem is that there will always be a sympathetic ear for people like these when their audience have no knowledge or understanding of their history and character. I was one such fool.

I was the unfortunate idiot who met her a few weeks later, while she was in this terrible, self-created, mess. Of course, I didn’t know then how things came to be as they were. Being a master manipulator, she used emotional blackmail on everyone who would listen, in order to evoke sympathy and support. I – for one – was horrified about the bad luck and raw deal she was dealt with. She seemed so cute, decent and sane. She convincingly portrayed herself as someone whom had fallen victim to unforseen and unplanned difficulties. She gave the impression it was an one time occurrence. We all have some bad luck sometimes, right? Like now with this virus, which had unexpectedly crippled the world. Little did I know what the true situation was.

So, then Evil Anne became my problem. She hopped from her married lover’s bed straight into my bed … and I was totally oblivious. At first she came across as being this highly religous angel. Man, she talked a good religious talk. Staying within God’s will by not having sex out of wedlock was a big thing for her. She was convinced that was the reason for all the bad luck and trouble she had experienced in her life. She slept around too much … so God was punishing her. That is truly what she believed.

How utterly delusional can you get?

Not once did it cross her mind that she put herself into negative situations, which then – predictively – blew up in her face. No, there had to be another delusional reason … like having sex. She was something of a town bicycle, but – again – I didn’t know all her intimate details at that stage.

Despite being someone whom wanted to live within God’s will, I was surprised when she initiated every one of our first sexual experiences. She said one thing and did the opposite. I never was one to make the first move with women. I always left it up to them to initiate intimacy when they were ready. Thus, when she told me sex was out of the question, because she wanted to live within God’s will, I respected her wishes. My intentions were pure. I simply didn’t make any sexual advances … only to soon discover that she simply could not control herself. She threw herself at me in the most random places, despite being verbal about wanting to live within God’s will. Evil Anne was one of those highly delusional religious people. I slowly had to work this out in time.

To be honest, I found it flattering that she could not resist me while she was making such a big deal about living within God’s will. It seemed kind of romantic and reinforced that we had something special between us.

Yes, I fell for this idiotic, delusional rubbish.

There really was no other option for Evil Anne than to move in with me. She was totally stuffed otherwise. I felt forced to invite her to move in … and she basically had no other option. It was a very forced situation. Within a day or two after we had agreed that she would move in with me, she sold all her furniture. I was stunned. I told her to rather store her furniture in my garage until she was sure that we would work out, but she felt she was showing her commitment to me by selling her furniture. On the one hand, I felt flattered and on the other the alarm bells were beginning to ring … very softly so, because I was still blind and deaf with love.

Later in the year, she would tell everyone who cared to listen that she was forced to sell her furniture to help me out financially. Just like that, I became the one to blame for yet another one of her self-created situations. At that stage, I didn’t know this was how she operated. She makes the decisions. She places herself into explosive situations. When it blows up in her face, she blames everyone else for the mess she had created. Should unfortunate people be forced to react or defend themselves, because they happened to be involved in the negative situations she had created, they became the evil enemy who was attacking her. Her poor, unsuspecting audience (like me, at first) believed every word. How should we know otherwise? Oh brother, was I going to learn….

So, just a week or two after we had met, Evil Anne moved in with me. Her intentions were to stay permanently. She made that very clear. Her two teenage children were shared between her and her ex husband.

It didn’t take long before Little Jay and I experienced something that was totally foreign to us. Doors were slammed … they screamed and shouted at each other … cellphones were thrown around … my furniture was damaged … Evil Anne was called a bitch and a whore by her daughter. She was told that they hated her. My possessions and the rules of my house was disrespected and disregarded. To them, this kind of behaviour was normal. To me, only under evolved human beings behaved in this way. I simply could not associate myself with their behaviour.

Little Jay and I could not believe what we were witnessing. We sat in stunned silence as the horrible reality about these people were revealed. They were everything we were not. We were shocked to our very core. I could not believe that I had actually invited people into our loving and peaceful home who behaved in this unaceptable manner.

I was dumbfounded.

The horrible reality was that I had placed myself and my daughter in a situation where we were actually sharing a house with people like these.

It was then that I became slightly worried. Too late, huh?

Soon, I discovered that Evil Anne did and said some very strange things. Abnormal things. She would wake me up a few times every night, then ask me to promise that I would never leave her, before she went to sleep again. She would email her ex-husband and confront him because he sexually rejected her during their marriage … which ended ten years before! She stated that was the reason she was crazy. So, now she was blaming her ex-husband for all her problems … ten years later! At that stage, I didn’t understand what she meant with her statement that she was crazy. Oh boy, was I going to find out the hard way.

Evil Anne painted her ex husband in such a bad light that I developed an immediate dislike in him, even though I had never met him. I thought he was the scum of the earth, based on what she was telling me. When I actually met the guy a few months later, I realised that he was just a normal, decent and solid chap, who was unfortunate enough to marry her. He was far removed from the scum she made him out to be. That was how utterly convincing she was. When you hear her convincing stories – being told with passionate conviction – you cannot help but to believe her and side with her. She did the same to each of her ex boyfriends. Each one were painted in a negative light. I am sure her latest boyfriend also thinks I am the scum of the earth. The poor sod….

Somebody, please warn the poor dude.

Depression was something I did not know anything about. I had never encountered it and I had no clue what it was all about. I am naturally a very positive and optimistic person and I never focus on negativity. To me, depression was simply a negative mindset. I believed it could be turned around completely. The focus had to shift from negativity to positivity. As simple as that. I didn’t understand the sickness and it didn’t make any sense to me. I told her in that I would teach her to adopt a positive approach to life. Of course, that would never happen.

It was shocking to see how she slept through her days. She locked herself in a bedroom and just disappeared for a few hours at a time. I couldn’t understand her behaviour, but I didn’t put any pressure on her. All of this was new to me. I was slowly figuring her out. At that early stage, I began to realise that things were not as I expected or would have preferred them to be. It seemed as if more and more challenges were being thrown at me with each passing day. It also became very obvious that she was about to become a very heavy burden on me. She was basically a useless, walking zombie.

The next challenge was to come … and it was a nasty one. My brother and his wife teamed up with my ex wife to harass and terrorize Evil Anne and I. I cannot even remember all the details, because I just ignored them … but they were out to get us and to make life as uncomfortable for us as possible. Very soon, my ex wife demanded that I vacated the house, because I had a woman staying with me. I was renting the house, with a legal contract and my rent was up to date … but this was how irrational these people became. My ex wife still saw me as her dream man … and was hoping I would eventually take her back. The fact that I had a new woman staying with me in her house, didn’t fit in with her secret plans for us.

Crazy stuff happened ever since I met this woman.

Lots of unpleasant things and lots of challenges.

Most of you would have fled by this stage.

Not this super idiot.

I convinced myself that I was in it for the long run. Evil Anne romanticised all the attacks on us by telling me that it is written in the Bible that the most beautiful union (or whatever nonsense) would get tested and attacked by the evil forces. She said that we were being tested to see if we deserved one another. She was big on Joyce Meyer and regularly used whatever Joyce Meyer had said to justify how we should deal with the evil attacks on us.

I fucking kid you not! Best part is, I fell for all this shit.

I truly fell for this crazy delusional shit.

I bow my head in shame.

They say love is blind. My photo probably now appears next to that statement wherever it appears. I became the face for the “love is blind” movement.

Her next delusional story was that God had told her that I would be the last man in her life. I would be the man who would be at her side to the end. She also said that if I should leave her, she won’t ever be with another man. All of this sounds very romantic when you really want it to be true. But even I was getting concerned with all the delusional talk. Our lives had become somewhat crazy, unpleasant and complicated since Evil Anne and her kids came into our lives. Having no other option, I told Little Jay that we must educate these people to become better quality people. I told her that they didn’t have the same background and level of decency as us … and that we must try to uplift them. They were simply not used to anything better than what they displayed in their behaviour.

I realised very soon that Evil Anne was still in contact with other men. When I confronted her about it, she threw herself sexually at me and had sex with me for the first time. The truth is that she rolled me on my back and had her way with me. I just lay there and allowed her do what she wanted to do. I could not fathom what was happening. I am not saying I didn’t enjoy it. Of course, I did. From that day, the story went that she had sex with me against her wishes, because I was insecure. As is her way, I became the sexual predator whom seduced her and had sex with her against her wishes. See how this woman operates? Scary shit. But I was still learning … still figuring her out at that stage. I was still deeply in love, despite all the chaos and attacks and crazy things that were happening.

By bringing Evil Anne into our lives and into our home, she demanded that I also take over all her financial needs. A roof over her head and a beautiful house to live in with plenty of food to eat, just was not enough for her. She wanted it all. I had to take over all her debts and look after her financially. Now, I didn’t quite sign up for all of that. I was making enough money at that time to look well after Little Jay and I … but not enough money to also cover for Evil Anne and all her financial responsibilities. When I told her that I didn’t have enough money to take over all her expenses, she played the depression card on me. I was then blamed for dumping her into depression. I was causing her stress, which triggered her depression. To keep her stress-free and thus depression free, I had to take over all her financial responsibilities.

You know what this idiot (me) did then?

I paid all her financial repsonsibilities and neglected my own….

Yes, that’s what I did.

I didn’t pay my car. I didn’t pay my rent. The list goes on.

I did all of this in an effort to keep Evil Anne from falling into depression.

How fucking crazy is that?

The stress and pressure and craziness were just getting worse by the day.

At this time, I began to witness how Evil Anne used her children to emotionally blackmail her ex husband to get money. All of her stories were untrue. When this dude did give her money, she would spent it very quickly on luxuries, like dining out. I was beginning to catch on how crazy and manipulative her existence was. I didn’t like what I was discovering. The next thing she threw at me was to pressure me into moving away from the lovely house we were staying in. Her kids wanted to stay in Port Elizabeth … not on the outskirts of it. Little Jay and I was very happy in that house. It was a lovely house and an idylic setting, yet this woman just walked into our lives and went all out to cause chaos, instability and disruption.

My feelings were beginning to fade. I realised I had a huge problem on my hands. I realised that she appeared normal and cute … but that she was only a shell of a human being. She was empty from within. She could not be reasoned with. She had no capacity to think in a clear and logical manner. It was then that I realised that I had lost all feelings for her.

I wanted out.

I wanted to get rid of her. I wanted another man to take her off my hands.

Then the worst thing imaginable happened, just when I was making constructive plans to get rid of this dead load around my neck.

She fell pregnant.

***

A new post about my adventures, life experiences and travels will be posted every Sunday.

A new post about the true life horror story – The alienation of my son, Sam – will be posted every Wednesday.

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Break the habit … permanently.

I was overwhelmed by the number of people who reached out to me after I published “How have I remained completely sickness free for the past six years?” Each one had their own little situation going on … fighting their own little demons or battles. While each of their situations and battles seem huge in their minds, I would submit that they are actually “small situations or battles.” You see, I have learned that any obstacle or battle becomes easy to overcome when you break it down into small, easy to manage, daily steps.

It is like going to the gym to build muscles. You will be an idiot if you do not understand that the process involves small daily steps forward towards the desired end result. After a week or two, you still won’t see any change in your body, but you will know that you are on the right track and that the results will eventually show … if you continue on the structured step by step journey you have embarked upon. The same thing can be said for breaking any nasty habit you may have … you have to do it in a constructive step by step manner.

There are no magic wands available to us, period.

However, you can achieve magical results in any facet of life simply by taking one step in the right direction every day. When you look back after just six months, you won’t believe the magical change this methodical change process has brought about. Life becomes magical then. Let me tell you … six months flies by very quickly.

Are you going to be one of those people who looks back after six months and wish they had gotten started six months ago? Imagine where you could have been if only you got started six months ago. It is truly deflating. In fact, it is so deflating that it probably won’t motivate you to take immediate action to ensure that you won’t look back after another six months in regret. You see, failure breeds failure. Just like that, you would have fallen into a horrible rut. However, if you have taken action six months ago and are now amazed by the results and change your actions have brought about, you will be very keen to adopt this strategy with everything you wish to achieve in life from there on.

Success breeds success.

It is then that life becomes truly magical.

You will look back in amazement after one year … two years … five years and would not be able to comprehend what you have achieved. The fact is, you did achieve it. Believe it or not. You have become a winner. You now understand how to conquer life and any challenge you wish to achieve.

You will understand then that you indeed have a magic wand in your hand.

Each of us has a magic wand in our hands … we just need to learn how to use it.

Understand this clearly: Anybody can dramatically change their lives within just six months (for better or for worse). The only prerequisite is that you get started immediately and take one step in the right direction every single day. If you don’t get started, you will be worse off in six months from now.

Very simple … but very effective.

Ok, how do we deal with the issues these people – who have reached out to me – are dealing with?

I can only draw from my own life experiences and simple logic. For that reason, I will refer to my own experiences often. I write about what I know has worked for me and what I have experienced myself. I am not qualified to write in any other capacity.

The issues people seem to be struggling with are the common ones … smoking … alcohol abuse … unhealthy eating habits … inability to bring about permanent change.

All of them acknowledged right off the bat that they knew they were on the wrong path. They could see and appreciate the damage their unhealthy life choices have done to their bodies, mindset and general wellbeing. One person told me straight, “if I continue like this, I won’t see 45.”

The positive thing about all of these people is that they have acknowledged that a change is needed. All of them appreciate that they are on the wrong path. I didn’t reach out to them … they reached out to me. That’s very positive. They have already taken a huge step in the right direction by simply acknowledging that a change is needed in their lives. There is nothing more sad to see than people who simply have given themselves over to their destructive lifestyles.

It is common to hear these lost souls say: “You have one life, enjoy it.” In that manner, they justify their very unhealthy, undisciplined and destructive lifestyles. When they reach fifty, they have the appearance of a 65-year old person. They feel insecure in their relationships, because they have not looked after themselves … they are struggling with bodily malfunctions … in most cases, their partner’s eyes and mind will begin to wander. They will look for excitement in other places. These people will say, “I cannot compete with a thirty-year old.” Rubbish! If you have looked after yourself, no thirty-year old will be able to compete with the fantastic fifty-year old you. Nothing is as sexy as an older person who has taken good care of themselves.

There is hope for these people who have reached out to me.

They want change.

They can have change.

They will have change … if they adopt a structured daily step by step plan to get to their goal.

Just saying you want and need to change, is useless. Change will not happen unless you commit yourself to do whatever is necessary to bring about the change required. This is where many people lose their way. They focus on the end result only. They focus on the demanding or long journey required to get where they need to be. They want quick fixes. There are none. Breaking up the journey into small, disciplined, daily steps is the only way. By focusing on the peak of the mountain before them, the mountain seems dauntingly insurmountable … and poof, they continue as they have with their destructive ways. They don’t adopt a simple plan to get where they need to be. Their downward spiral simply continues from there on. The problem with these people is that they will inevitably end up falling prey to their own undisciplined and unhealthy lifestyles. They will be diagnosed with all kinds of sicknesses, bodily malfunctions and their partner might have left them … disillussioned with what you have become. Once the damage is done, the journey will suddenly change from prevention to management. They will live a life of suffering and discomfort … and inevitably die much too young. What a waste of precious life.

Why wait until the damage is done?

Prevention is far better than cure.

You see, if you are the type who wants magical results within a day or a week, you can just stop reading right here and continue on your destructive way. I cannot offer you any assistance or advice. There is no help for you.

However, for those willing to commit to change and commit to a daily structured plan to bring about the required change, I can tell you right here and now:

“You will reach your goal. You will achieve the required change.”

It really is not rocket science … just simple logic.

The first thing required for change to occur is to acknowledge that change is required. Those who have reached out to me have done this. They can feel good about the fact that they have acknowledged that a change is needed in their lives.

The next step is to picture the desired result. Where do you want to be?

Now we know where you are … and also where you want to be.

It is like writing a book. The way I managed to write my book, was to know where I wanted to be once the book was done. I saw myself holding the published book in my hands. How I actually managed to get there, was to write at least one page every day until the book was done … in other words, I took one small step forward every day until I achieved the desired result. I didn’t assign a timeframe to achieving the desired result. I simply slogged on daily until that precious moment when I held my published book in my hands.

The key is: I structured my day to allow for one hour non negotiable writing time. In my case, I woke up an hour earlier and that became my writing time. I simply took one step toward the destination every single day, until I got there.

Anything in life can be achieved in this way.

How did I shed 24.5kg in fat? I committed myself to daily exercise and adopting healthier eating habits. I started very slowly … just by walking around the neighbourhood. I also slowly changed my eating habits from unhealthy to only good foods and drinks. Again, I assigned 5pm to 7pm as my exercise time. I committed to losing 100g to 200g every single day … that is about 1kg on average per week over six days. The seventh day was a rest day and a cheat day.

Ok, so now we know how to get into shape and write a book.

You probably don’t want to do either of the above. You want to know how do you stop smoking or stop abusing alcohol?

Very easy, if you are committed.

If it was me with the problem, I would have tackled it in the following way: I would first have established how many cigarettes I smoke on average every day. Lets say it is 6 per hour for sixteen hours every day. Gosh man, what is wrong with you…? How old are you going to look when you are 50?

Kidding….

So, now we know I am smoking 96 cigarettes each day. Thats a fact. How I would deal with this problem is to simply take out my 96 cigarettes ration for each day and put them in a container or something. Isolate them into daily rations. On the first day of change, I would remove two cigarettes from the container and smoke the other 94 as per usual. I will commit myself to only smoking those 94 cigarettes each day … not one more. I will go on like this for three or four days… Or even seven days.

After about four days, I would put two less cigarettes in the container. So now, I will only be smoking 92 cigarettes per day, instead of the original 96. See the difference that small daily change has already made? Your body has now become used to smoking four less cigarettes per day, no sweat.

After just one month, your body will now have become accustomed to smoking only 80 cigarettes per day, instead of the original 96. Thats a vast improvement already, don’t you think? It is an inspiring improvement. So inspiring that you would feel motivated to keep up the good work.

By the end of the second month, you will only be smoking 64 cigarettes per day … and you won’t even notice that you have managed to reduce your daily ration by 32 cigarettes already. Think about it. 32 less cigarettes per day!!

By now, you would have a successful and structured plan that is working for you and taking you constructively towards your end goal.

After just six months, your body would have become used to no cigarettes at all. You would have trained your body slowly and methodically to get used to the change. At that stage, you would have permanently kicked the nasty habit. I cannot see you going back to where you were. Part of the structured daily process involves reprogramming your mind to view things like cigarettes in a negative and repulsive manner. You will then look at smokers and feel nothing, but pity for them. You won’t be able to identify with them. You will now have gone to another level in your growth and journey as a human being.

By that time, you will feel fantastic and have a lot of spare cash to spend on more deserving items. Poof, gone is the smoking habit.

Alcohol abuse can be cured in the same way. Sudden changes won’t work. Adopt slow and methodical change. Let’s say you are used to drinking a bottle of alcohol every evening. How can you bring about permanent change?

Simple.

Your daily ration is 1 litre right? On the first day of change, you simply need to pour 950ml of your chosen alcohol into a container. That becomes your daily ration. You only drink those 950ml … not one drop more. After four to seven days, your daily ration changes to 900ml. Drink it … and enjoy it.

But not one drop more per day.

After eighteen weeks (if you are still alive), you will be used to only consuming 100ml of your favourite alcohol per day. Remember you used to consume 1 litre per day. You are now consuming 900ml less alcohol per day. Can you imagine how fantastic you will be feeling by then? You will be a person reborn.

After twenty weeks, you would have kicked this destructive habit. From that moment, you must make the commitment to not touch alcohol ever again. It is not serving you any constructive purpose. You don’t need it. You don’t need friends who tempt you to have a drink. Your body has become your temple. You are healthy and in control. The change has been gradual, constructive and permanent.

If you then compare old photographs to your new appearance, you will be amazed at how much younger, healthier and more vibrant you will look. That change should be all the motivation you will need to never be tempted to go back to those nasty old habits.

Remember, these changes can only be lasting if you commit to never fall back on your nasty habits again. Your mind needs to be reprogrammed to find the cigarettes and alcohol repulsive. That was exactly how I taught my body to accept less and less sugar in my coffee and tea. Today, I find the taste of sugar repulsive, because I am used to clean foods and drinks. Sudden change rarely works. Gradual changes cannot fail, if you remain committed.

It really is so simple.

Just take one step forward every single day.

Three months or six months go by so quickly. You will not believe how your life can change for the better in just three short months if you take one simple step forward every single day.

It took me six months to lose 24.5kg. The process of shedding that 24.5kg was so slow and methodical that my mind was also slowly reprogrammed. Once you gain mind control, you are set. I now look at foods in a different way than I did when I was overweight. My mind has been reprogrammed to choose foods only based on what goodness they can offer me. If they cannot offer me anything positive, I simply ignore them.

I am in charge.

I want you to be in charge too.

Nobody is going to do it for you.

It is totally up to you.

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The alienation of my son, Sam (#001)

The date was 26 March 2010. My daughter and I rented a beautiful four-bedroomed house in a sleepy and peaceful seaside village on the outskirts of Port Elizabeth.

Our situation was beautiful and in control. We were a happy little family of two. I was a very loving father and Little Jay was just a happy child, whom adored her father. She was two months into her final year at school and was looking forward to end her school career on a high.

As perfect as our situation was, there was one thing missing. I longed for a life partner whom I could settle down with and be happy with forever after. I was recently divorced from my ex-wife and we were actually renting her house by the sea. Everything was totally under control. We led a peaceful and happy existence. I was on very good terms with my ex-wife landlord.

But – you see – I made a wish a few months before that … and unfortunately I got exactly what I had wished for. Ever heard of the saying, “be careful what you wish for, you might just get it?” Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.

You see, before all of this, I was married to a woman whom I should not have married in the first place. I was desperately unhappy and unfulfilled. I remember sitting alone in a coffee shop within Walmer Park Shopping Centre one afternoon when a woman walked by whom I vaguely knew. She had dated a very close friend of mine some years before that. I remembered there were stories that she had physically attacked my friend during their relationship, but I assumed there were always two sides to a story … so I didn’t think much of it at that time. It briefly flashed through my mind that she had contacted me via text messages after they had split up. I was totally not interested in her back then … so, I simply didn’t show any interest back and she soon disappeared from the scene … until that very fateful day.

I also vaguely remembered that there were reports that she had thrown a brick through the glazing in the front door of her mother-in-law’s house during her second marriage. At least two newspaper articles were subsequently published about her problematic behaviour … one of which related to the physical attack on an ex employee of hers. I knew all these things … yet, I still stared after her. Shows you were I was in my own growth. I hang my head in shame.

There are already quite enough red flags, right? Indeed….

As she walked by, I remembered thinking, “now thats the type of woman I would like to date.” You see, I didn’t find my wife at that time sexually appealing at all. I was hugely frustrated by that. I wanted to date someone whom I did find sexually appealing. Isn’t that the basis of a good and lasting relationship?

Surely.

While I stared after her, I made a wish for “a woman like that.” I was referring to her physical appearance, which really appealed to me. Now, I don’t know where the wires between me and the Universe got crossed … but the Universe didn’t hear me wish for “someone like that.” The Universe understood that I wanted that exact person.

Thats exactly what I got … that exact same woman.

“Your wish is my command,” said the Universe.

“But, I didn’t….”

“Done deal,” winked the Universe. There must be some clowns with a twisted sense of humour up there.

At the start of 2010, I was looking forward to make the new decade a big one. I was excited and focussed. January and February were great … and then March came and everything went south very quickly from there on. Sounds a lot like 2020, doesn’t it?

On 27 March 2010 my life changed completely when I bumped into Evil Anne.

On 27 March 2020 my life again changed completely when South Africa went into full lockdown due to the Corona virus.

How eerie is that?

In both instances, my life had completely changed on 27 March at the start of a new decade. The difference is that this time it has changed for the better. That my life will take a different course from here on, I have no doubt. My mindset and focus have already changed completely. This virus has changed everything in 2020 … just like Evil Anne had changed everything for us back in 2010. The difference is that the previous decade was a nightmare for me … the current decade will be where all my dreams come true. It is a sense of knowing.

But wait, lets not get too far ahead, yet. Press the rewind button. We are back at the coffee shop somewhere before 2010. At that moment, I just wanted to get out of my marriage with my ex-wife. I had just made a wish for “a woman like that.” Evil Anne was still nowhere in the picture, thankfully so. Our lives were still sane and under control. Everything was going to change. I was totally oblivious of what was to come. If only I didn’t make that wish.

Now let’s fast forward to 26 March 2010.

It was the day before the evil came.

Our lives were normal, loving and peaceful. My daughter and I had a very strong bond. I had won full custody of her in 2005 and – since then – she had blossomed from a dark and unhappy child to a sunny and happy child. Under my care, she had achieved numerous distinctions at school. I raised my daughter with love and respect. Physical punishment was something she didn’t know or had ever experienced. Shouting, screaming, acting out and arguments were foreign to us. We simply were not that type of people. When there was a problem, we discussed it in a mature, rational and dignified manner.

I was the model father … a natural father. Little Jay was the model daughter for me. We treated each other with love and respect. We led an idylic and relaxed lifestyle.

Do you hear the soothing and relaxing music playing in the background?

At this moment, the record playing the soothing music, comes to a screeching halt….

There was a spanner in the works. I had an emptiness in my life. The lack of a life partner. I had so much love and commitment to give to the right person. I longed for that one special person. That was the spanner in the works … the fatal flaw. It is that emptiness and desperate longing which had caused me to invite the wrong people into our lives in the past. It was again going to be the reason why I invited the most horrible person into our lives.

I had just recently parted ways with my ex-wife whose presence in my life had caused Little Jay and I great unhappiness. Our lives had stabilized and became happy again after the divorce … but I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I was about to invite pure evil, chaos and destruction into our peaceful existence.

We went to sleep peacefully and happy the night before the evil came. We had no idea that our lives were about to change dramatically in the worst possible way.

There simply was no warning signs of what was to come … no dark clouds … no explosive storm … nothing.

The day on which the evil came started normally. Little Jay and I were at home just going about our usual business. Everything was peaceful, calm and quiet … the calm before the storm.

Then a text message came through.

“Hey Joe, I am at Walmer Park, having coffee. The wife is shopping. Come join me.”

It was from a good friend of mine whom had moved away from Port Elizabeth a while ago. He informed me that he and his new wife were in Port Elizabeth for a few days and that I must join him for coffee while she does her shopping.

I made sure that Little Jay was happy to stay at home, before I went to the mall to meet my friend. We had a great catch up session and he told me all about his new wife, whom I had never met.

After about two hours of catching up, I was ready to leave. My friend stopped me and requested that I wait a few minutes, because his wife was on her way and he wanted to introduce us. If only I had left….

Oh God, if only I had left.

I did not leave….

It proved to be one of those decisions we make that would either take us away from harm or trouble … or directly towards harm and trouble. I made the wrong decision that day and the consequences would be dire for my daughter and I.

When my friend’s wife arrived, I was shocked to see that the very same woman whom I had made a wish upon some time ago, was walking with her.

Yes, that very same woman.

That’s how Evil Anne walked into my life. That was the day life changed completely for my daughter and I.

I am sad to say that Evil Anne and I hit it off immediately. She was very cute and bubbly. She also had a great body. Her outward appearance and outgoing personality really appealed to me. She seemed so sane, innocent and normal….

I eventually left with a spring in my step and butterflies in my tummy. Evil Anne seemed so perfect for me. Little did I know. I simply ignored all of those red flags….

While I was driving home, there was no Grim Reaper standing next to the road … no black cat ran over the road … no dark clouds were forming … there was no random sign warning me to stay away from Evil Anne. Honestly, I was so desperate to find the love of my life, that I would not have listened to any warnings even if they slapped me in the face. That’s the sad truth. I was that desperate. I was seeing little cupids flying all over the road … and romantic music was playing in my mind. I believed I had met the best thing ever. It turned out to be the worst thing ever.

In actual fact, the Universe did try to warn me.

On the Sunday morning after I had first bumped into Evil Anne, I went for a visit to my mother’s house. One of my brothers and his wife also pitched up. We were chatting about this and that when I remembered that my brother and his wife would probably know Evil Anne. They also had a business in Uitenhage, where she was well known (mostly for all the wrong reasons). I excitedly shared that I had bumped into Evil Anne and that we had a date later that day.

Their horrified reactions astounded me.

“Stay away from that woman. She is bad news!”

I was completely taken aback. I really didn’t want to hear anything bad about Evil Anne.

“If you bring that woman into this family, we will cut all ties with you,” they continued.

I simply could not believe what I was hearing. Here I was on an absolute high and already partly emotionally invested in the idea of Evil Anne and I … and my family were giving me very serious warnings to stay away from her. It really was not what I wanted to hear. They did not elaborate much, but it was clear that they were horrified that I might get involved with this woman.

Again, I had the opportunity to either follow the left fork or the right fork in the road. Again, I chose to stay on the wrong road. You see, this particular brother and his wife were the source of constant trouble and discord in our family. For that reason, I struggled to find any credibility in what they were saying. Had the warning came from another brother of mine, I would really have taken it seriously. In this instance, I convinced myself to take it from whom it came.

This time, I should have listened to them.

I should have listened to them!

I should have fucking listened to them!!

I did NOT.

I was warned.

The decision I was about to make was going to destroy a huge part of my life.

It was also going to destroy our happy little family life.

It almost destroyed Little Jay’s matric year.

I should have listened….!

The alarm bells were ringing loud and clear, but I simply ignored them in my desperation to find the love of my life.

That evening, I went out for dinner with Evil Anne. My brother’s warning was in the back of my mind. I told her about it and asked if she knew why they would feel the way they did. My heart melted when she broke down in tears. She claimed that people had been victimizing her in Uitenhage, because she was a successful business woman. She also claimed that females were jealous of her, because she was single and got a lot of attention from married men. She informed me that she suffered from depression and that she sometimes did and said stupid things. She played the innocent victim card to perfection. She had me eating out her hand. I was completely fooled. She said married men were lusting after her because she was vulnerable and naive … she didn’t invite or encourage their advances.

Little did I know that affairs with married men were her thing … and little did I know that she – in fact – was the guilty party whom cunningly had put out the bait and lured the married men into her trap. When they did get trapped by the web she had spun for them, she quickly changed her role to that of the naive innocent party. As soon as her multiple affairs with married were exposed or didn’t work out, she branded them as adulterous perverts whom chased after her and exploited her innocence and naivity. Every single one of them then became “men whom sexually abused her.” One of them was even accused of raping her. A case was never opened with the police. Telling….

I was totally unaware of all this at that stage. I swallowed her convincing lies hook, line and sinker. She was utterly convincing … a sly and cunning master manipulator.

Then she dropped the bomb that my brother was one of the married men whom were chasing after her. My jaw dropped to the floor. I could not believe what I was hearing. In that instant, she took away all the credibility my brother’s warning to me could have had. She was an expert in diverting the attention away from her. In that instant she managed to paint herself as the innocent victim whom my brother had pursued. When their little fling was exposed, he and his wife became vindictive towards her. That was the story she spun in utterly convincing fashion, with tears streaming down her face.

I fell for it.

Her cunningly crafted lies, presented in her utterly convincing fashion with tears and extreme sorrow on her face, had me on her side. In that instant, I swore to protect her against all of these perverted bastards (as I believed them to be then).

Just like that, Evil Anne had managed to trap me in her evil and crazy world. Her cute, naive and innocent appearance supported by the masterful way in which she portrayed herself as the innocent victim, won me over with no effort at all.

Today, I will see through someone like her within a few minutes. At that stage, I was too desperate to find a good life partner on the one hand and too inexperienced on the other to grasp what I was dealing with. I simply had never met someone like her before. I was about to be taken to school, big time.

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A new post in the true life horror story – The alienation of my son, Sam – will be published every Wednesday.

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How have I remained completely sickness free for the past six years?

Over the past six years, I have remained totally unaffected by colds, flu and stomach bugs (or anything else, for that matter). This happened, despite coming into regular direct contact with numerous sick people. At first, I didn’t realise what was happening, but – after a while – I realised that I simply wasn’t getting sick as per usual.

A year went by … then two. Slowly, a pattern was developing.

I found it very strange that I wasn’t getting sick. Up until April 2014, it was a certainty that I would get numerous colds each year and flu at least once … mostly twice. The stomach bug also visited like clockwork. Headaches were common. Everyone I know goes through the same ordeal each year. They all get colds, flu, headaches and the stomach bug. It is just part of life … as are taxes. Right?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I last had flu in April 2014 … and it was a bad one. For one week, I was out for the count. That was nothing strange for me. I remember the year before that, I lost 3kg within one week due to a severe bout of flu. I was very unhealthy and unfit at the time, which contributed to the severity of the infections.

See that miserably unhappy dude? That was me in 2008.

That was my physical appearance from 2006 up to April 2014. I was severely overweight and not a shadow of my former self. Simple things, like tying my shoelaces, became a mission. My stomach was in the way. Walking up stairs was painful and demanding. My knees hurt and I was out of breath when I got to the top. I moved and felt like an old man. Apart from constantly getting infected by colds, flu and the tummy bug, I also suffered from very painful gout. At one stage, it was so bad that I could barely walk. I was in severe pain and discomfort.

Being as unhealthy as I was, my erections were very weak.

That’s never a good thing for a man to experience.

Apart from all of the above, my body also rebelled against my unhealthy lifestyle by developing psoriasis. I developed ugly and itchy rashes all over my body. I felt uncomfortable even while sleeping.

I had severe rashes and my skin was always itching. I felt like a lizard….

I had such an issue with my overweight appearance that I tried to avoid going out in public, unless it was really necessary.

I became reclusive.

My wife at that time told me to accept that I am older and to make peace with the idea that I can never again look as good as I did in my earlier years. Those words sounded like a depressing jail sentence to me. I was horrified. To me it seemed that her insecurities would prefer that I remain overweight, unhealthy and unappealing to other women. In my mind, love meant that you wanted your partner to be the best version of himself/herself … and we should encourage and support them to be just that.

That’s my idea of real love.

I strongly disagreed with her statement. I believed that anyone could look as good or better in their forties and fifties than they did in their twenties and thirties.

I knew why I looked and felt as I did. I was the one to blame.

I was the one who always had too much too eat. Having seconds, even when I was already full, was normal to me. I was the “go to guy” to help empty out pots. I lived to eat…. I did not eat to live. I had zero control over myself.

I was the one who stuffed my face with chocolates, deserts and cakes almost on a daily basis. If there were chocolates, deserts or any sweet treats in the house, I would find it and finish it. There was no “keeping for tomorrow.” My family knew they had to hide their chocolates and sweets from me … yet I still managed to find their stash.

I have a severe sweet tooth … one I had to learn to manage.

I was the one who didn’t do any exercise. I was a fitness freak until 2006, but then completely lost my way until April 2014, while I was involved with my ex wife. She is not to blame … I lost my focus, drive and passion in life. It was all my own doing. I made the choices, I did. I placed myself in the situations, I did.

I was the one who didn’t appreciate my body and have the pride and discipline to look after it. I neglected the two most important things any person can ever have … body and health. Luckily, I was never a smoker or a drinker.

It was way easier to just let myself go, than look after myself.

As a result, I was desperately unhappy within my skin. I was married to the wrong person and struggling financially. I was unhealthy, uncomfortable and unfulfilled. I knew there was more to life than to waste it like I was doing. I was disgusted with myself and what I had become.

I knew I had to make drastic changes if I wanted to lead the happy and fulfilled life I dreamt of.

Thats what I did.

The first thing I changed, was to get rid of the person I was married to. She was not good for me in any way. It was not easy to walk out on her while I was struggling financially, but once I realized what I had to do to change my life for the better, I boldly went for it … and never looked back.

I literary left with only the clothes on my back.

It was noticeable that my finances improved dramatically within a short period of time after I had parted ways with her. Being rid of her negative and toxic energy, I could flourish again. This reinforced to me that I had taken a step in the right direction to take my life back.

At that time, I heard much talk on the radio about a new book of which Dr. Tim Noakes was a co-author. I was a huge fan of Dr. Noakes … and when I heard about the book, I went out to buy a copy simply because I trusted and respected him (even though I have never met him).

The Real Meal Revolution was the name of the book and it promoted the Banting lifestyle. If I am not mistaken, it is similar to the Keto lifestyle.

After I bought a copy, I didn’t waste time in reading it from end to end.

The book was life changing.

The simple logic resonated with me.

Only consume real and fresh foods and drinks.

Only eat real and fresh foods. It is simple logic.

Adopt a permanent healthy lifestyle.

Take note of the word lifestyle. Diets don’t work, period.

Become physically active … even if you only go for a walk a few times per week.

As simple as that.

Had this book promoted an unsustainable and illogical diet, I would not have bought it.

This book promoted a permanent change in lifestyle … a sustainable, simple and logical approach to becoming healthy and then to stay healthy.

The book contained a Green list, an Orange list and a Red list. The Green list contained all the foods and drinks you could freely consume. The Orange list contained foods and drinks you should consume with caution. The Red list contained foods and drinks you should never consume.

These lists makes pure logical sense. It is all about choice, respecting your body and being in control of yourself.

The day after I read the book, I went into the kitchen and cleared my grocery cupboards of all the items listed in the Red list. I filled six large grocery bags with pastas, sugar, cereal, rice, sweets, cookies, flour, bread, etc. These were basically all the items you will find in the middle aisles of a grocery store … in other words, pre-packaged and artificial stuff full of preservatives.

Moses, my garden worker, could not believe his luck when I gave him six grocery bags stuffed with the food I no longer wanted in the house. On top of that, I also gave him a large, unopened, bag of potatoes.

That dude could not stop smiling.

The only items that remained in the house, were those on the Green and Orange lists. From that day onwards, I avoided the middle aisles of the grocery shops and only bought items listed in the Green and Orange lists.

Fast food shops became absent in my life. They simply held no attraction for me anymore. KFC, McDonald’s and their kind simply seized to exist for me. I did not long for them … in fact, I would have felt embarrassed to be seen at places like that. They were reduced to junk status in my mind.

My daughter and I taught our bodies to become used to less and less sugar in our coffee and tea, until we were totally sugar free. Today, I cringe with disgust if I taste just half a spoon of sugar in coffee or tea. I don’t buy sugar … I don’t use sugar for anything … in my mind, it is pure poison.

From that day in late April 2014, I started eating only two meals per day … and I still do to this very day.

My breakfasts changed from cereals to bacon and eggs … or sausage and eggs … or patties and eggs. I will never have more than 150g to 200g portions of bacon, sausage or patties … and no more than three eggs per day. With that, I will have a tomato and a few slices of cucumber … or my favourite, avocado.

Being a coffee snob, I brew myself four cups of good quality filter coffee (grounded beans) every morning … and that is it for the day. No more than that. No sugar, of course. I won’t ever touch instant coffee.

Nothing beats freshly ground and brewed coffee. Smell that aroma?

That keeps me full until supper. If I do feel hungry, I will have a handful of nuts or fatty biltong (dried meat). I sometimes also have an apple or a banana.

Important to note, that I don’t peck and nibble at all. I have two structured meals per day and a lunch-time snack (only when really hungry). That’s it.

Two litres of clean water a day is non-negotiable. It helps greatly with hunger pains … apart from giving you a youthful and healthy appearance. Water simply makes you feel healthy inside and out.

By 4pm or 5pm, I am ready for exercise. At first, I just walked around the neighbourhood, because I was very unfit. After a while I started jogging slowly and only for short distances.

Simply walking around the neighbourhood is fantastic for the mind and body.

At first I regularly looked for any excuse imaginable to skip exercise. The trick was to keep my focus by reminding myself where I wanted to be. I knew I had to stop postponing and making excuses. I realised change would only come if I persisted in taking small steps in the right direction every single day. I had to keep going until it became a habit. When it did, it became something I looked forward to every day. My sacred time. The highlight of my day. Once my mind became programmed that 5pm to 7pm is exercise time, I struggled to do anything else during that time.

For supper, I will have a good quality protein (fish, chicken, red meat or pork) in not more than 150g to 200g portions, with lots of fresh and clean veggies.

Ok … Ok … my meals do not look nearly as good as this, but they are equally tasty and healthy.

I will then have one or two cups of tea every evening. Need I say, no sugar?

To this very day, my meals and days are structured in this way, no matter where I find myself on my travels. It really works for me. I only eat until I am satisfied … never more. I now eat to live … not live to eat.

I must add that a totally plant based diet would probably also reap the same rewards. I am not promoting a vegan or non-vegan lifestyle. I am merely stating what has worked for me from my own experience. I am currently looking into the vegan lifestyle and might go that route at some stage.

When I am visiting friends or family, I choose what I will eat or drink. If the choices are all bad, I will politely decline. I am in control. I really have developed a repulsion towards unhealthy foods that can offer me nothing, but an unhealthy body and a lethargic feeling.

When I am in a coffee shop, I choose not to eat the little cookie or sweet treat I get with each cup. I want to … but I don’t. Micro decisions … Macro results.

Of course it is critically important to have one day per week when I simply switch off and relax. On that day, I will have sweet treats … and sometimes even a cheat meal. I also don’t exercise on that day. I have become so disciplined that I don’t overindulge on the cheat days. I will have a chocolate and a piece of cake (sometimes two) and I will savour and enjoy them … but once they are gone, I will immediately turn my focus back to my healthy lifestyle.

I do have my cheat days one day per week.

I find that I prefer the Banting meals to the cheat meals … even on cheat days. They are just so tasty and filled with energy and goodness that my body does not crave anything else….

Discipline, focus and willpower are what I have developed. I am in control of my mind, body and the choices I make. Food is no longer in control of me. My body has become my temple and I only feed it with good and healthy stuff.

Today, I am super fit and healthy. I do crossfit and find it absolutely addictive. The amazing thing is that I look better … feel better … am more healthy … am stronger … and have more energy than ever before in my life.

At age 54, I am only getting better, fitter and stronger with each passing day.

At 54, I am now more defined than ever before in my life.

Tells a story, doesn’t it?

On top of that, I have not been sick in any way since April 2014 up to this very day. Six years and counting.

No colds.

No flu.

No tummy bugs.

No gout attacks.

No psoriasis flare ups.

My erections are again as strong as can be. Happy days.

I maybe get two very light headaches per year (mostly when I buy a cooked meal that’s slightly off), but two disprins later and they are gone within thirty minutes.

Lucky, you say?

I beg to differ.

Healthy is the word.

Remember, I used to be very susceptible to colds, flu, headaches, nausea and the like. I was unhealthy inside and out. It all changed when I chose to be in control of myself and to adopt a healthy lifestyle.

Your body reacts to what you consume. You are what you eat, period. Your body will either rebel or reward you depending on your eating and drinking habits … and whether you are physically active or not.

It really is so simple….

It is noteworthy to mention that I was also very fit and in shape up to 2006, BUT I did get the regular colds and flu’s like everyone else. Like most of my current friends, I was in great shape, but did get sick every year.

What is the difference between then and now?

Why did I get sick then, but not now?

The answer is very simple.

Back then, many of the items on the Red list were part of my daily diet. I lived on pastas, rice, potatoes, fruit juices and all their evil brothers and sisters. I also had about two fast food take away meals every week. KFC and McDonald’s knew me well. The moment I changed what I consumed from Red list rubbish to only real and fresh foods, I stopped getting sick.

I also have not had a flu injection for the past ten years….

My imune system simply became superior, because I am healthy from the inside out. I hug and touch people infected with flu and colds, but I simply do not get infected at all.

Your results may differ from mine, but I guarantee you that you will become a totally different person (in a very good way) if you simply choose to only put simple, healthy and fresh foods and drinks into your body. A lot of the issues or discomfort you currently may be experiencing, will disappear like mist before the sun, guaranteed.

Eat to live … don’t live to eat.

You have one life … treasure it.

It’s up to you, buddy….

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Introduction to my Blog

Welcome to my blog. This is a huge moment in my life … one I have been dreaming of for a very long time. This is just a short introductory note to tell you what you can expect from this blog.

I will cover various topics ranging from my true life experiences, my adventures, my travels, my personal growth and the life lessons I have learned. I will be totally open and honest as far as true life experiences are concerned … they will keep you spellbound, I am sure.

I believe I can offer a huge amount of inspiration and motivation to many people out there. All of these were born from my own experiences and growth. I will teach you and guide you to appreciate even the smallest things in life … and also to be the best version of yourself.

I will write extensively about the alienation of my little boy from me. This content will be delivered under the heading of My son, Sam. If you are only into the feel good stuff, you will be able to identify and avoid disturbing blogs relating to this topic.

I will take you on all my travels where I will share my experiences and introduce magical new places to you. I am very sure my blogs in this regard will motivate you to look these places up. If not, they will simply make you feel good and leave you entertained. Some of these places might be right on your doorstep….

I will share my spirituality with you. I will show you how I have been manifesting a great deal of things and how gratitude and a positive attitude forms a huge part of my daily existence.

Being a stutterer, I will tell you how I have dealt with, accepted and embraced my speech impediment. All of us have issues. Hopefully my story will help you to deal with yours.

I will teach you how to adopt and embrace a healthy lifestyle and how to look and feel better than you have ever done in your life. At 54, I can honestly say that I look better, feel better, am stronger, more healthy and fitter than ever before in my life. And I am just getting better in every way with each passing day. It really is so easy to achieve. I want you to be the best you can be at any age.

I hope my blog will entertain you … inspire you … motivate you … teach you new things … allow you to see life in a different way … make you cry … make you laugh … make you feel good … and guide you to be the best version of yourself.

I want this blog to be the highlight of your day … something to look forward to.

Please enjoy the ride with me by subscribing to and following my blog.

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