Being Spiritual

I started life as any South African child did. I was born and raised in a strict Christian home. I had no say in the matter. When I became aware of my surroundings, things like reading from the Bible, praying before meals, praying before bed-time, believing in Jesus and going to church every Sunday were solidly part of my every day life. We were – of course – also brainwashed that other religions are wrong and that they all would go to hell. They were the enemy and they were wrong. We were the chosen ones and we were right. In that way, beautiful and innocent little minds were programmed from birth to have the “them and us” mentality.

Yes, it is unfathomable that people can do this to their innocent children.

In this way – even in this modern world – beautiful and innocent little minds gets destroyed and polluted from birth. Most will never be able to break free from the brainwashing and indoctrination. The aim is to instill good core values into children. The actual result is that people are being split into opposing groups and most will become incapable of clear, independent and logical thought.

The word abuse comes to mind.

I only realised later in life that we were already split into opposing groups at birth. This is where the “them and us” mentality comes in. Our parents, the school system, religious leaders and the government were responsible for programming us in this way. The same happened in every religious group in every country all over the world. Every religion taught their newborn children the very same thing. We are right … they are wrong.

See the problem in this picture?

All of them believed in one God and all of them professed that this one God was speaking through them. If that was true, then the bottom line was simply that the one God – whom all were praying to – was giving opposing messages to each religion … thereby consciously creating opposing groups. Is that not a fair conclusion to come to? That’s the logical conclusion, indeed. That doesn’t reflect well on God, does it? Now that’s a problem for me. Even within each religion, you will find multiple denominations, all with different views. In the absence of the “one God” who is supposedly speaking through all the religious leaders, the reality is that each religious leader creates their own following by preaching his own doctrine or variation of the parent doctrine. By doing this, there is no consensus. There is no “one God” leading mankind along the same path … nope, mankind has hijacked God’s name and created thousands of religions or different versions thereof. Why? Three reasons.

  1. There is no one God in control of all mankind.
  2. Religion was created by man.
  3. It is all about money and control. In short, it is a huge business.

One God, but so many different religions … and so many variations within each. If you step back and actually think about it, you will realize how utterly shameful and ridiculous this is. Humanity has taken something beautiful and made a mockery of it. They have made God’s name cheap and laughable. They have turned the God of Love into something ugly and superficial.

You see, what the above picture caused was for me to doubt God and his intentions. Religion was simply tainting his name. I did not like what I was discovering as time went by. I had to learn that God is God and that religion was man-made. The two could not be linked together logically. Religion and the behaviour of its followers simply tainted God’s name. It is common knowledge that the ugliest (not in a physical way), delusional, most judgemental and most incapable of clear and independent thought, are the religious minds. Just look at incidents making the news headlines all over the world on a regular basis….

The facts cannot be disputed.

Yes, all of these violent and murderous people are praying to the one and the same God and are finding their inspiration and justification in their religious texts. No one religion does not have blood on its hands. The problem is not only limited to certain religions. You can argue that religion has created monsters out of otherwise innocent and good people. This statement cannot be faulted. The facts are there for all to see. No well spoken argument can deny or erase the cold, hard facts.

I completely lost my appetite for religion and religious people. It seemed to me that the ugliest people you could find was the religious ones. I could not associate myself with their superficial and delusional existence. Simply put, they don’t know God. They are religious, yes … and they say all the right things (but mostly do the opposite), but they don’t know God. Their behaviour and character makes that clear.

You see, knowing God is to be simply beautiful at heart, kind, uncomplicated, tolerant, peaceful, harmonious, respectful and loving towards all life forms. God is not something ugly. God is something pure and beautiful. Most religious people do not know God, period. All they know is their programmed beliefs, forced upon them by others. Being religious means to be at the very bottom of your spiritual journey.

I needed to be guided by God. It held no appeal for me that a self chosen human being was trying to force his interpretations and beliefs onto vulnerable people. That’s effectively what is happening all over the world. There is no consensus. It became clear that people had hijacked God and turned his image into a less than flattering one for their own gain and to enhance their own agenda.

I wanted purity. I wanted a deep and real connection. Being led by another human being was never going to work for me. I anguished long and hard about this. I read up on all religions and sects. I have a library filled with books dealing with all religions. Each religion has beautiful teachings (amongst all the immoral and bloody stories) … and I have embraced those beautiful teachings from each.

As time went by, I became spiritual, not religious. What does that mean?

The first thing being spiritual means, is to not see the need to debate the matter and try to convince or convert people to my point of view. Only religious people will debate the matter and try to “win your soul” for their respective religion. A spiritual person will love you and live in harmony with you regardles of your beliefs. A spiritual person will respect your beliefs. A spiritual person will love you no matter what your sexual preference is. A spiritual person will just be and let be.

Just be kind.

Just be loving and pure.

Just be peaceful.

Just be compassionate.

Just be uncomplicated.

Spiritual simply means I live my life in a Godly fashion. No religious talk. I simply strive to lead a good and pure lifestyle every day of my life. Spiritual means action speaks louder than words. There are no paybacks. I lead a good life, because I have good core values. I don’t have to justify why I lead a good life. I simply do. That is who I am … a good person for no reason at all. There is no promise of a heaven for me. I can’t be bothered by such talk.

The idea that I must advertise my God and win souls for him, is simply too shallow for me. Think about it: if you have to advertise your God, he/she is really not as big and powerful as you may think. I would argue that such actions actually belittles your God. A powerful and visible God will need no advertisement, testimony or winning of souls. Ridiculous, isn’t it? I want something real and deep. You cannot get more real and deep, than just being a good person for no reason at all. That is being real. No pretence. No acting like I am a good person simply for the delusion of a passage to heaven.

Spiritual means to lead a Godly lifestyle.

Being spiritual is to love and care for every form of life. It means doing the right thing when nobody is watching. It means giving without the thought of ever receiving. It means to live in harmony with the earth and everything on it. It means to be dignified in your behaviour even in the most trying circumstances.

Being spiritual is to see your body as your temple and to only feed it with good and pure foods and drinks. It means living a healthy lifestyle. It means being fit and active. It means being disciplined and in control of yourself. It means to be an example for everyone in who you are … your behaviour … your appearance … your lifestyle. Being spiritual means to live it, not say it.

Being spiritual is for those able to live life on the next level. Being religious is entry level. Being spiritual is a high level of being. Some would call spiritual people names, like atheist. They mean it in a derogatory manner, but the fact is that atheists are more Godly in behavior than any religious person. All the atheists I know are beautiful, kind and peaceful people. All of them are very intellectual. To me, being called atheist is a compliment, even though I would rather describe myself as being spiritual, not religious.

Being spiritual is to not hide behind the convenient “God will forgive” me mentality while you consciously lead an unhealthy, immoral and shady lifestyle. Being spiritual is to own up to our mistakes and behaviour and to always strive to better ourselves. Being spiritual is not for the weak minded. It is for strong, disciplined people with true integrity. It is for people who actually live a Godly life, not for those just talking a good religious talk, but then actually doing the opposite.

Being spiritual is to be kind and respectful to the poorest person. Being spiritual is to rather take a different path or retreat, than to cause a bird to take flight where it is peacefully sitting on a branch. Being spiritual is to have a deep awareness and to live in harmony with everything and everyone.

Now that’s next level, isn’t it?

Being spiritual is to avoid making loud noises and disturbing the sounds of nature. Being spiritual is to respect every person and his or her beliefs and never to make derogatory comments about their beliefs. Being spiritual is to not be homofobic … to not see the colour of people’s skins … to do things unconditionally for others and keep it a secret … no ego driven public announcements.

Being spiritual is to live and let live.

Being spiritual is to see the character and soul of a person, rather than their skin colour.

Being spiritual is for enlightened beings, free of religious indoctrination. Being spiritual is real, raw and deep. It is pure living. A spiritual person will only ever kill an animal if truly hungry … and when he does, he will apologise to the animal and thank it for sacrifising it’s life to ensure your survival. Bloodthirsty recreational hunters are mostly religious. They enjoy hunting and killing … for recreational purposes only. A spiritual person can never kill an animal for enjoyment, period. In fact, killing an animal would be the absolute last resort and only out if necessity. Even then, the spiritual person would be emotionally distraught about the loss of animal life.

I can liken being spiritual to Buddhism. It really is much the same thing. The principles of Karma applies in both cases. A simple, uncomplicated and beautiful lifestyle is what we embrace. Buddhism goes in very deep … even deeper than most spiritual people will ever dwell. For that reason, being spiritual is less complicated and free of teachings and rituals. It really is just to be….

A spiritual person cannot cheat on his/her partner. We cannot lie. We cannot live a life that is anything, but with integrity. We cannot become involved in affairs. We cannot do anything that will cause harm, loss, hurt or emotional distress to anyone else. It is real and honest living. Real and honest being. We understand the art of harmonious living and being. Even throwing a rock into a dam and causing alarm to any life form in the water, will be hard to do for a spiritual person. We just want everyone and everything to be at peace. Why cause ripples where there is a smooth and peaceful reflection on the water? Maintain the beauty and the peace. Avoid causing ripples. This goes for every facet of our lives.

Yes indeed, being spiritual is to have awareness of everyone and everything and the state they find themselves in. A conscious awareness is central to our existence.

Spiritual people cannot hate or feel anger. They are dignified beings. To them, having a lot or having nothing is the same. There is no greed or desire to be part of the rat race.

Being spiritual is to lead a healthy, meaningful, constructive and harmonious life.

We live it. We don’t say it.

God = Universe.

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Stuttering Joe – My true life story (#001)

My earliest memory is where I am running down a street on a very hot day … bare feet on the hot tar road … the huge frame of Aunty Stinkalot chasing after me, shouting all the way that I should stop and go back home. I was only five at the time, but a feisty five at that. I maintained a good ten-metre gap between myself and my pursuer … until I got fed up with her efforts to catch me.

When Aunty Stinkalot showed no signs of giving up the chase, I stopped in my tracks, picked up three rocks from the pavement … and attacked! 

The chaser became the chasee.

When the first rock flew past her huge frame and Aunty Stinkalot saw me advancing, like I meant business, she lost all her nerve and fled. Without thinking, I might have thrown a swear word in there … just to show her that I meant business. 

Rude and disrespectful, I know. But that was the kind of language and behaviour I was exposed to at that time; I simply didn’t know any better. I grew up on the wrong side of the track and we were bred rough and tough in downtown Despatch. Ask anybody from nearby Port Elizabeth and they would tell you that the Despatch people were a species on their own. We were known as “klipgooiers.” In English that would translate to “rock throwers.” Even the people from the other side of the railway lines, looked at us with a wary eye. We were all Despatch people … but there was a clear social class divide between the downtown Despatch people and the uptown Despatch people. I guess Hillbillie would be a good way to describe us downtown folk. Where there was a fight, you could be sure a Despatch downtown resident would be involved. I am sure things have changed over the years, but back then Despatch people – particularly the downtown bunch – were a fearsome bluecollar community.

I cannot recall that I stuttered at all when I used swear words to get rid of Aunty Stinkalot, but then, that became a lifelong trend for me. To this day, I stutter on all words… except swear words. For that simple reason, I began to employ swear words to help me get through difficult sentences or circumstances.

Amusingly so!

Paradoxically, swear words became my safety net that I used – not to deliberately swear or express my anger – but to make communication easier for me. Luckily, most people realised it.

Even Reverend Charl found it very amusing at times. He would even encourage me to use swear words when I got stuck on a word. He found it very endearing and he understood why I followed that route in an effort to communicate more fluently.

Back to Aunty Stinkalot: 

Being as big as she was, her escape happened in slow motion. I could walk casually and still keep up with her. I remember finding her huge fleeing bum amusing … drilling from fat and rhythmically moving from side to side in an over exaggerated fashion with each step she took – like two giant bags filled with water. I was tempted to land a rock on her bum. I knew I could not miss, and I dare say she would not even have felt anything with all those layers of fat as protection, but sanity prevailed and I deliberately aimed the next two rocks just to her left or right … just enough to scare her off.

My tactic worked.

Even at that young age, I instinctively realised that attack was the best form of defence. Aunty Stinkalot promised me a hiding when I got home later … and I did get that hiding. Not from her, but from my mother, Ma Molly. But that didn’t prevent me from doing the very same thing over and over again. Let’s be honest, a hiding from Ma Molly was not something any child would have feared. You would pretend more than actually feel anything.

Was I a naughty child?

No, far from it.

I was actually a very good boy.

I regularly ran away from Ma Molly’s house simply because I missed my father and nothing would stop me – not Aunty Stinkalot, nor regular hidings and threats. When I missed my dad, I didn’t wait around, think about it or allow anything to prevent me from going to his house. Yet, strangely enough, I do not have any memory of my dad during this time. The reason for that will become clear as my story unfolds.

I am told that my father and Ma Molly got divorced when I was four years old. Apparently, one of our neighbours suffered from cancer. Ma Molly – being a simple and good-hearted farm girl – went out of her way to help them and make their burden easier to carry. Amongst other things, she regularly cooked supper for them. To cut a long story short, the neighbour eventually died and Ma Molly was rewarded in the cruellest of ways for everything she did for them, when his widow, Aunty Belinda, stole my father from her. So much for doing good deeds….

My father gave new meaning to ‘love thy neighbour’.

My broken-hearted mother was forced to move to my father’s other house some three kilometres away, with her five children. My father stayed behind in his house and Aunty Belinda moved in with him. Ma Molly’s world crumbled around her; she was devastated. For Ma Molly, it was tears and heartache every day, while, for my father, it was butterflies, passionate sex and the excitement of a new love in his life. To rub salt into Ma Molly’s wounds, I ran away to the very people who broke her heart, and all that meant was that she had to see my father and his new girlfriend more than she needed or wanted to, thereby increasing her pain and trauma tenfold. I was totally ignorant of the pain I caused Ma Molly. For this reason, Ma Molly asked Aunty Stinkalot – who was home all day – to be on the lookout for me and to prevent me from making unscheduled visits to my dad’s house.

I remember employing various tactics to get past the ever vigilant Aunty Stinkalot, who even recruited her more mobile domestic worker to try to stop me. At times, I simply walked casually down the street. I had to go past Aunty Stinkalot’s house. When she saw me coming, she stumbled to the pavement and ordered me back to my house. The sight of her formidable frame blocking my way didn’t put me off. I confidently walked right up to her, and, when I was about three metres from her, I suddenly exploded into action by taking off as quickly as I could. I was quite fast and agile as a child. 

It was a total mismatch.

Aunty Stinkalot had no chance. 

Before she could even think about reacting, I was past her and on my way to my father. All she could do then was to call after me, plead with me and threaten me … none of which worked. She quickly learnt to stop chasing me after I attacked her – and her domestic worker – with rocks on a few occasions.

On other occasions, I started running as soon as I stepped out onto the pavement in front of our house. I easily covered the fifty metres to Aunty Stinkalot’s house before she could cover the eight metres from her porch to the pavement. It became a big joke to me. I often laughed loudly as I sped past her.

Sometimes, I had no intention of going to my father’s house, but still pretended to do so just to have fun with Aunty Stinkalot. I often used the low boundary walls along the street as cover to stalk up to Aunty Stinkalot’s house. Then, when I got to her gate, I waited until she nodded off, where she sat on the porch, before I crept up to her and shouted, “Bah!

I was so paralysed with laughter that she almost caught me on a few occasions.

I loved having fun with Aunty Stinkalot!

Neither she nor her domestic worker ever succeeded in catching me or prevented me from going to my father’s house. They had the bulk – I had the mobility – and they simply didn’t stand a chance, more so, because I was so fearless and confident.

***

Ma Molly is a very simple person. She grew up in the farming community of Steytlerville, where my grandparents, Grandma Fran and Grandpa Jacob, farmed all their lives. Not being academically inclined, Ma Molly struggled through school – always in the special class – and dropped out when she was sixteen. Jobs were very scarce in the small town of Steytlerville, so Ma Molly moved to Uitenhage (adjacent to Despatch), where she quickly found a job. As luck would have it, she met my very handsome father on the train, while both were travelling to Uitenhage. They eventually got married and had five children. I was born on 7 December 1965. I was the second youngest of the siblings.

Neither my younger brother nor I have any memory of Ma Molly and my father being together. When we were old enough to comprehend what was going on, we were living with Ma Molly and only saw our father every second weekend – apart from me, of course. I spent a lot of time with my father and Aunty Belinda, because I made it happen with my running away sessions.

I am told that my father was the only one in his large family who had a stuttering problem, and that I somehow inherited or developed the same problem, although to a much worse degree than he ever had. I really do not know when I first realised that I stuttered. I guess it was just part of life for me at first, and I certainly cannot remember that it bothered me during those early years. Two of my siblings also have a very slight stutter, while the other two are totally fluent. I was the one that got it really bad.

Although my father had a new love and bed-warmer in his life, he wanted his bread buttered on both sides. He played mind games with Ma Molly by promising her that he would come back to her and the kids.

She believed him.

Her resistance crumbled.

They had sex.

He never came back.

This scenario repeated itself over and over … and over again. 

Every time, Ma Molly’s hopes were raised by my father’s empty promises and, every time, he didn’t honour the promises he made to her in the heat of passion.

In this way, my father kept both Ma Molly and Aunty Belinda’s beds warm simultaneously. He might also have kept a few other beds warm at the same time – after all, he was a very handsome man … and rumour has it that the women made it clear that they adored him. 

***

At age five, our immediate neighbours formed a big part of my life; in fact, they were the only people I knew, apart from my family. 

Aunty Stinkalot and her family lived two houses to our left. The family comprised of Aunty Stinkalot, the huge mother with the foul, sweaty stench. Uncle Tiny Tony was her very small husband. He was half her size. Being a railway worker with absolutely no ability to get promoted, Uncle Tiny Tony earned a very low salary. They were the poorest family in the neighbourhood. They never had a car, and walked or took a bus to where they wanted to go.

Aunty Stinkalot was treated as if she had the plague by everyone in the neighbourhood, because of the stench that accompanied her. It was rumoured that God was punishing you for something when Aunty Stinkalot plodded her huge frame down next to you in church. Many breath-holding records were attempted in this way, and many unofficial world records were set, but, sooner or later, you had to breathe … and, when you did, the pungent smell threatened to make you faint. At such times, it was impossible to concentrate on anything the reverend was saying. Your survival instincts just naturally kicked in … and getting through the sixty to ninety minutes spent in church – alive or barely alive – was all you could focus on. Nothing helped … not even the most sincere promises to God if he could just make the smell disappear or render you incapable of smelling anything for an hour and a half, or if he could miraculously make you disappear and re-appear elsewhere in the church – very far from Aunty Stinkalot. 

There was no such luck. 

When God decided he was going to punish you, he made Aunty Stinkalot your ‘church buddy’. Suddenly, she started to search you out week after week in church, wherever you might be hiding.

First, you heard the shuffling footsteps … then you saw the big shadow … then everyone moved out of the way or suddenly had to go to the toilet … until only you were sitting there totally at her mercy, alone and God-forsaken. Then the benches creaked as she squashed through them until her huge frame plodded down next to you, making you bounce up a good ten centimetres or so … and, when you landed back on the bench, Aunty Stinkalot shifted closer to you and made herself comfy and cosy, with her one huge breast on top of your head, pinning you down for the duration of the church service. This position gave you maximum exposure to her appalling smell. 

You knew God had a quarrel with you when this happened … big time!

Needless to say, I very often found myself in this horrible situation. 

It was as if Aunty Stinkalot favoured sitting next to me because they lived close to us and because Ma Molly was one of the few people who were friendly to her. Or maybe I just deserved to be punished for something, like running away to my dad’s house.

God didn’t seem to be very amused that I prayed to him to make the church service pass by quickly, either. For this, he seemed to punish me by letting Aunty Stinkalot make a nuisance of herself at our house too. There simply was no escaping or hiding from her; not even the safe haven of our house offered any protection or shelter from Aunty Stinkalot.

Apart from her appalling smell, Aunty Stinkalot also had the very irritating habit of rolling her eyes when she spoke. Not rolling as you think – rolling until only the whites of her eyes showed. For much of the conversation, the people she was talking to had the misfortune of having to stare at the whites of her eyes only.

What?

Why?

Being a friend to Ma Molly, Aunty Stinkalot knew all about how my father was toying with her feelings to get sex. Thus, whenever she saw my father pull up at our house with a huge bulge in his pants, she would ‘quickly’ run over to confront him and tell him to leave Ma Molly alone.

But my father simply lost his temper and ordered her off his property. She was told to never set her feet there again … much to my relief.

But God was much stronger than my father; he always made Aunty Stinkalot come back when my father’s back was turned….

There simply was no hiding when God had some beef with you. I learnt that very early on in life.

Aunty Stinkalot and Uncle Tiny Tony had three children – Elvis Crisphead, Snotty Sylvester and Round Julie.

Elvis Crisphead was the oldest. He got rid of all his teeth as a teenager, roots and all, and rumours had it that he had probably envisioned getting a toothache at some or other stage in his life, so he took the proactive approach… prevention is better than cure, after all.

Elvis Crisphead certainly was a man who planned ahead.

He never bothered to replace his teeth with false teeth and he walked around with a toothless mouth as if it was the most natural thing to do. Having no teeth in his mouth naturally changed his appearance quite a bit. Apart from having no teeth, he also had naturally crisp hair, which he wore in a thick bush in the same way that many black Americans did at that time. The combination of a thick bush of crisp hair and a toothless mouth was quite a sight to behold. It looked freakishly like an ostrich with a bush of very funny looking hair.

Downtown Despatch was accustomed to the many strange characters who walked around, like Silly Ed, who firmly believed that he was driving a car while he walked around the streets clutching his steering wheel. He even ‘parked’ his steering wheel in parking spaces … and beware the car that parked where his steering wheel was already ‘parked’.

There was major drama!

Even in a place like this, Elvis Crisphead stood out. He was quite a strange-looking individual. 

But, at the same time, he was also quite a nice and decent chap. The unsettling truth was that he was also the most ‘normal’ person in the family. His idol was Elvis Presley and he soon became an active Elvis impersonator, although he didn’t look or sound anything at all like Elvis, particularly not with that big bush of crisp hair and the flat, toothless ostrich mouth. Elvis Crisphead soon became Sunny Valley’s own Elvis, much to everyone’s embarrassment. However, he did miraculously make it onto a television programme and numerous radio programmes.

Incredible, but true.

Needless to say, the quality of programmes on radio and television was very dodgy at the time.

Snotty Sylvester was Elvis Crisphead’s younger brother. His trademark was a perpetual stream of snot running from his nose onto his lips, where he would wipe it clean with his tongue every few seconds, much like a car wiper would do. To the disgusted onlookers, it appeared as though Snotty Sylvester quite enjoyed his snotty treat every five seconds. Snotty Sylvester was almost a carbon copy of his father, Uncle Tiny Tony. Although he was slightly bigger than his father, they looked very much alike. They were also competing to be the dumbest in the family. I instinctively felt sorry for Snotty Sylvester from an early age. This shy, withdrawn, incredibly stupid person with absolutely no hope to achieve anything in life was an easy target for bullies. They loved to bully and mock him simply for who and what he was. 

So intellectually challenged was Snotty Sylvester that he stuck his foot under the wheels of an oncoming bus one day. The heavy load of the bus caused such damage to Snotty Sylvester’s foot and leg that he struggled around for some time after the incident with a heavily swollen foot and leg that looked blue and sick. When asked why he stuck his foot under the bus, he simply replied, “I just wanted to see what would happen.”

He certainly saw what happened….

Having no capacity to think for himself, he had to learn the hard way.

To the best of my knowledge, Snotty Sylvester was never taken to a doctor to tend to his leg. Whether it was his punishment or a lack of money or medical aid, I do not know, but Snotty Sylvester struggled with that medically unattended leg for a very long time afterwards.

When Snotty Sylvester comes to mind, I automatically compare him to Ed from the cartoon series Ed, Edd n Eddy. They are equally intellectually challenged.

As if this family was not a strange lot already, the worst was saved for last: her name was Round Julie.

Round Julie was shorter and fatter than her mother. Miraculously, she never had the same sweaty stench as her mother, because she was more conscious of personal hygiene. But she was a very strange individual nonetheless. Her favourite pastime was to pull her hairs out of her head one by one and then suck on it like it was some kind of favourite treat. This gave her endless hours of pleasure, and she indulged in this strange activity regardless of where she was or in whose company she found herself. When she was in Grade 8, she even got engaged to a man in his mid-twenties! At that time, she was semi-bald as she continued to snack on her hair….

The last time I saw her, she only had a few strands of hair left on her head.

Strange, very strange.

Their collective intelligence was lower than that of one very intelligent person. What their purpose on Earth could possibly have been was totally unclear. Their life was one of constant struggle and poverty, being ridiculed, treated like rubbish and absolutely no hope to improve their circumstances. Yet, they were given life… and at least they made Sunny Valley an interesting – albeit strange and embarrassing – place.

At least their presence in my life, makes my story very colourful.

To be continued….

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The horrible N-word

Negativity is a very destructive force that can control your life and hold you captive in it’s unforgiving claws. It comes in many shapes and sizes. I am always amazed to see how people indulge in negativity without even realizing what they are doing. What they also do not realize is that they draw in more negativity to themselves simply by participating in negativity … knowingly or unknowingly.

Every word you say will have an influence on your future. The same goes for every thought, feeling and action. By saying, thinking, feeling and doing negative things, you will draw in more negativity to you … guaranteed. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will come as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.

You create your own tomorrow. How about creating it the best that you are able to? If you know you have the power within yourself to create a positive and happy future, then you will also know to avoid negativity. Negativity can never give you a positive and happy tomorrow. Success breeds success, just like positivity breeds positivity … and also negativity breeds negativity. Life is very simple and predictable (mostly).

The basic action to take, is to avoid saying anything negative … think anything negative … feel anything negative … or do anything negative. It is harder than you think, but with a lot of practice and conscious effort, you will master the art of only saying, thinking, feeling and doing positive things. It takes time, let me assure you, but once you have mastered it, you are good to go. It will become second nature to you. You will be so attuned to positive living that you will be horrified when anybody says anything negative in your presence.

You might think, “yes, but I got a reason to feel angry or hate someone.” Yes indeed, we all can find a reason to be angry or hate someone. By doing so, you are actually becoming the victim of that person. Anger and hate will consume you and drown you in an unhappy downward spiral. It will make you miserable and cannot bring you any satisfaction or success. You will only end up with a lot of resentment and unhappiness if anger and hate is your driving force.

I have all the reason to be angry and to hate the mother of my son for going all out to alienate us from each other. You know what? I don’t hate her. I am not angry. She will answer to the Universe when the time is right. Her evil and negative actions will not go unpunished. I don’t even waste a thought on her. I chose to simply make use of the situation to better myself in every possible way. To grow as a person. To become very successful in my career. To tie up all the loose ends. To live a healthy lifestyle and be the best version of myself every single day. She hoped I would crumble and go to waste due to her actions, instead I chose to do exactly the opposite. I have risen up and became stronger and better in every possible way. So, I have used a very negative situation and turned it into a very positive one. That’s the way to do it.

It takes extraordinary mind power, I know. But that is something we can all learn and develop. The point is that I am only feeling good feelings. I am only thinking good thoughts. I don’t wish the mother of my child any ill harm, no matter how evil her deeds were. I trust the processes and the laws of the Universe. It is not my place to feel anger and hatred. The Universal laws regulates us all. It is an unfeeling and unforgiving energy that gives back exactly what you give out … so best make sure that you only give out positivity and goodness. Only positive deeds, thoughts, feelings and words, no matter what the circumstances are. By doing so, I am getting better in every way, instead of going downhill fast. Those indulging in negativity, can only get the same negativity back. This is a simple universal law.

If I could learn to feel no anger or hate, so can you.

Feeling anger or hate, means that the other person controls you. They are in charge. Nothing good can come from that. Rather learn to accept what has happened and use the situation to better yourself in every way. You cannot control what has already happened yesterday or in the past. Make peace with it and deal with it in a positive manner. You can control – to a large degree – what will happen today, tomorrow or in the future. Make sure the outcome will be positive.

Never watch negative videos of people fighting or arguing. Don’t open it. Don’t watch it. Let them drown in their own negativity. Dont give their negativity more life by giving it your attention, time and energy. By embracing and indulging in negativity, you will simply draw in more of the same to you. Just don’t do it, period. I get very annoyed when I casually scroll through Facebook and am confronted with negative videos. For one, I cannot understand why people would post such sensationalistic and sadistic rubbish and, secondly, I cannot fathom why I am not given the option to avoid these videos by Facebook (or be protected against them). I never watch those. I scroll by very quickly and avoid them like the plague. The people who are guilty of posting such videos are indulging in negativity and will simply draw the same into their lives.

The same goes for offensive posts or posts complaining about bad service – or whatever – on social media. Simply don’t respond to them. Unfriend the person, if it is a regular occurrence. I know people who regularly gets involved in arguments and debates on social media about race, politics, religion or some other hot topic. Why would you do that? What you resist, persist. Simply scroll by and don’t make any comments. The only possible end result would be that you will feel angry, unhappy and your day or week gets spoiled. Rather use your energy on something positive and beautiful, than get involved in debates and arguments with idiots.

Just don’t do it.

Walk away from any negative situation. You don’t have to prove you are right. You don’t have to witness anything negative. Don’t stop at accident scenes, because you are a sensationalist person who thrives upon the drama and destruction of the situation. Don’t even look that way. Just drive by, wish them well and keep going. What good will it bring you to drink in exactly what happened, how and to whom. Feeding of such negativity can never have a positive outcome for you.

Look away and walk away … away from any negativity.

Do not associate yourself with people whom are always playing the victim … always complaining about their jobs, bad service or the behaviour of others. I will throw up in the presence of such a person. I will never go back to visit that person. Someone like that, sees only the negative and will only draw in more of the same. I do not want to be associated with that type of negative energy. Those are what we call energy vampires.

Above all, don’t use social media to voice negative feelings about a situation or another person. Apart from such behaviour being in very bad taste, it is also a very negative and destructive behaviour. It is annoying and irritating to everyone else and will draw in negativity towards you. Did I say it is also in very bad taste? Yes, indeed. You are better than that….

How you should deal with any negative situation, is to accept that it happened … and then to understand that it happened for a reason. Use the experience in a positive and constructive manner, not in a negative and destructive manner. Use such situations to come out a better version of yourself on the other side. Recognise the opportunity for growth and positive change and go for it.

Never worry or feel unhappy with what little you have or when you feel you are behind some people on your life’s journey. Understand that we all go at our own pace and have completely different circumstances and challenges. Recognise that some had a headstart and others were not so lucky. Rather be thankful for what little you do have, even if it is just to be grateful that you are alive. Focus on the positivity, always. There is always a positive in any situation.

Watch out which words you use. Never use words like “I can’t.” There is a cool saying going around, which reads something like, “whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are right.” Get the message? If you are negative and believe you can’t, you are right … you won’t achieve whatever your dream is. So, rather believe you can and go for it … because, indeed, you CAN. The only requirement is a positive mindset and the drive and discipline to go for whatever you want.

I am a strong believer that many mental sicknesses can be avoided, improved or cured simply by adopting a positve attitude to everything in life. Who will not get depressed when they always see the negative in everything? It really is so basic. If you learn to always see the postive and always feel happy, there really would be no trigger for depression. I know it is easier said, than done … but you will do yourself a lot of favours by simply choosing to always be positive and happy, no matter what the circumstances are.

I am not saying bad things won’t happen to you. What I am telling you, is to always see the positive in everything. Always find a reason why any negative situation had to happen to make things better in the long run. I am a strong believer in the saying, “when one door closes, a better door (or doors) will open,” provided you are positive about the situation. This has certainly always been the case in my life. When I lose one client or friend, I have learnt to feel rejoiced and happy, because I knew then that more and better clients or friends will come my way, if I remain positive. It always happened like that. The best part is that the clients or friends I lost always came back to me in the end too. By then, I have mostly outgrown them, but you get the point.

Relationships are one area in which you must learn to always know that the right ones will stay and the wrong ones will go. Don’t hang on to them, when they want to go. Let them go. Don’t feel rejected when someone rejects you. That is the best thing that could have happened. You will look back someday and say, “I am so happy it didn’t work out with that person,” or “what on earth did I ever see in that person?” Be glad when someone rejects you, because they are saving you from much drama and heartache by rejecting you now rather than later. Don’t long for someone that doesn’t want you. That is really silly, by the way. Love is a two-way street … never a one-way street.

Negativity is so much more than just your words and feelings. Try considering your actions. Actions are probably the most destructive negative force in your life. How? Everything you do can either be negative or positive. Just think about it. Eating crappy foods are negative. Not leading a healthy lifestyle is negative. Smoking and drinking is negative and destructive. Associating with the wrong people are negative. Messing with people’s emotions is a negative action. Having affairs with married people, are very negative. By indulging in negative behaviour, you are only drawing more of the same into your life. Pure and simple.

This is some deep, stuff, isn’t it? Yip, I amaze even myself sometimes.

Let me tell you how annoyingly positive, forgiving and devoid of negative feelings I am. Remember I told you about the mother of my son, whom alienated us from each other? I learnt to be so positive – and accepting of every situation – that I found myself greeting her in a friendly manner when I came face to face with her later on. Only after I greeted her, did I realise that I was actually friendly with a monster of a person. For a moment, I felt annoyed in myself and almost scolded myself … but then I realised how beautifully illustrative that moment was of how I had learnt to shrug of any feelings of hate or anger.

Dont just say it. Live it.

I am not saying that this stuff is easy to learn and embrace. If you are committed to embrace only positivity, you will develop the skill of positive living. Your life will become quite magical then. You will simply move on a different frequency than people who embrace negativity. Everywhere you go, you will seem to avoid negative people and situations. You simply won’t be at the same place, at the same time. You are not on the same frequency and you will repel each other … so you will never be in the same space at the same time. As the saying goes, “you attract what you are.”

The last thing you should do when you experience a few bad months, is to complain how bad it is and how down and out you are. The moment you utter those words, you will draw in more of the same. Don’t complain about how bad things are, even though they actually are. Always smile and be happy, despite the circumstances. Never say one bad word or feel one negative feeling. Know, that things will change around and become better, as if by magic. Your job is to simply feel positive and know better things are to come, despite how bad the current circumstances are. Use that time to improve your skills, knowledge or appearance. You will prosper better than ever before when the “drought” ends, if you simply hang in there with a positive mindset.

When you are at your lowest, you should be the most positive and the most dedicated to bettering yourself in every way. You should discover yourself on a level you didn’t know existed before. It is there. Discover that side of yourself. When things get better, you should then always embrace the lessons you’ve learnt when things were at their toughest. Always hang on to those feelings and attitude, no matter how good life is for you. By doing that, you will draw in more of the good life to you.

Don’t lie, cheat, abuse and steal. These are very destructive negative actions that will simply draw in more of the same to you. As I said before, negative actions are even more powerful than negative words, thoughts and feelings. Always do good and positive things with true integrity, no matter if nobody is watching. In fact, it is when nobody is watching that you will be sending out the strongest positive vibes to the Universe, by doing the right things in the right way. That’s true integrity right there. That is the highest form of good vibes or positivity you can ever send out to the Universe.

Arguments are for fools. Acting out is for emotionally immature people. Screaming, shouting, throwing things, sending nasty messages, slamming doors, etc are the actions of underdeveloped people. I cannot understand it. I cannot participate in it and I cannot tolerate the same. People who know me, know that you will get reduced to idiot status in my mind the moment you argue or act out in my presence. I will not retaliate, for one … and secondly, I will walk away and never come back. I won’t even be able to acknowledge or look at someone like that for a few days after the event. I have zero understanding for emotionally immature and undignified behaviour, period. Behaviour such as this is as negative and distasteful as they come. Apart from that, it says something about a person’s level of development. I simply cannot be associated with such behaviour, full stop.

Go figure why I am single….

Be a serene, dignified and clean being. See the beauty in everything. Believe everything happens for a reason. Be emotionally mature and dignified in behaviour. Be happy and positive even during the worst possible circumstances. Don’t complain about anything. Don’t say how bad things are. Don’t complain on social media about anything or anyone. If people wrong you, simply walk away and deal with the situation in private. Don’t be a vindictive person. Don’t hate. Don’t feel anger. Don’t be out to destroy someone, because you will only end up destroying yourself. The best and most powerful response to anybody who have wronged you, is to simply turn your back, walk away and cut them from your life.

That’s some powerful shit, right there.

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Be the dream person.

Relationships are probably the most complicated aspect of life any human will ever have to deal with. It is a constant war out there. A war to find and conquer the love of your life … and then to keep that person. Deep down, that’s probably what we all want … that one person with whom we could live happily ever after. We fall in love … we fall out of love. Someone we really liked and loved at first, can become someone we truly dislike – and even hate – further along the line. Hearts get broken … we shed tears. Some even see it as a game to win as many hearts over as possible. Others toy with emotions simply to get into the pants of another.

I am guilty of all of the above.

I have loved geniunely.

I have toyed with emotions.

I have broken hearts.

I have actively pursued cheap sexual gratification (no, not the type you pay for).

Been there, done that. I have got all the t-shirts.

Inbetween all of the chaos, you will sometimes find two people who find each other and stay together for the rest of their lives. They get married and stay married. They remain life long partners. Dare I say that they are in the minority? I am not sure of this statement, but I think most marriages end up in divorce. I should rather say, that the majority of people have been divorced at least once.

I am 54-years old. I have been married and am divorced. I am the only one of my siblings who is not with the person I had married the first time around. All three my brothers and my sister, found their love, got married, had kids and built a life with that person. All of them are still with that very same first love to this day.

Where did I fall out from?

I am the odd one out in my family.

I am the only one who has been divorced (more than once). I am the only one who does not use alcohol. I am the only one who has never touched a cigarette in my life. I am the only one who has followed an academic career. I am the only one who has not strived for the white picket fence. I am the only one who has led an adventurous life books can be written about. I am truly different in every way. I am a very complex person, I must admit. I am the most relaxed and easy-going dude you will ever encounter, but at the same time, I am also extremely deep and have a repulsion towards unacceptable behaviour. I simply think nothing of walking away when I lose my respect or feelings for someone. I am brutal in that way.

I am a person of extremes. Either I do something full out, or not at all.

Although I truly wanted to settle down with one person and remain with her forever, I simply have not been able to do so. I have questioned why love has sidestepped me on many occasions. OK, let’s be honest … I have found love, but it was one sided. They loved me, I didn’t love them. When I did love them, it was only briefly so. I did truly love my first wife for most of our fourteen years together. I guess she can be called the love of my life to date. Yes, I did truly love her for a very long time. She was perfect for me at first, but things changed as the years sped by.

The problem is that I constantly grow. The person I was even two years ago, compared to who I am today, are vastly different people. So although I loved my first wife, I grew emotionally, intellectually and spiritually, while she remained the same person … even up to this present day. The end result was that I simply had to leave her behind, because we had nothing in common after fourteen years together.

From then on, I simply could not find anyone worth keeping. I was hungry for love. I have so much love I can give to the right person … and that’s the problem … I simply have never found that right person. Nobody has ever unlocked and experienced my true self. Some have never seen the side only my true love will see and experience. Different people bring out different things in us, after all. To be honest, I tripped myself up in spectacular fashion. I dated all the wrong women for all the wrong reasons. By doing that, I simply pushed the right person away, because I was too busy wasting my time and energy on the wrong women.

While I am writing this, I also realize that my ideal woman would never have liked me ten years ago … also not five years ago. The perfect woman for me has been out of my reach, because I was not yet on her level. I first had to grow as a person. For that reason, I first had to date all the wrong people. I had to learn some tough life lessons and I had to grow in every possible way.

I also had to develop and understand my INFJ personality. You see, I have the ability to see through people in a very short time. Nothing goes unnoticed with me. Each comment … each facial expression … everything tells me something. I can see deep into people’s souls. Senseless conversations, shallow people and pretentious behaviour are huge turnoffs. I am mostly bored stiff with most people after a few minutes. There are people I can sleep with and people I can date. When the sex is done, I cannot bring myself to put up with someone I cannot date. Then she has to go home. Every moment with them becomes torture then. There are many things I would rather be doing than offer up my time and energy with someone I cannot date.

Sorry, that’s the brutal truth.

Even during my wild days, I always longed for that one special person whom I could settle down with and be happy with forever. If I had any choice, I would pick someone and stay with her to the end of my days. I was a reluctant player. I played, because I could not find the right one to settle down with. Now that was the problem. By becoming impatient, I associated myself with the wrong women for all the wrong reasons. How would my dream woman ever be attracted to me while I was playing the field? It was never going to happen. I realised that … eventually.

So, six years ago, I realized that I must stop dating women just for the sake of dating. I also realized that I had to stop spending time with the wrong women, if I hoped to attract the right one. I realized one very simple thing: if I wanted to attract the love of my life, I had to be the dream man she was looking for. I had to live it. Be it. Day in and day out. I had to be the dream man, in every way, every single day.

Now that’s a tough task, for a shallow person … which I am thankfully not. I am a very deep person (although very few people have ever been allowed to experience that side of me).

That’s when my life changed course.

I stopped my sleeping around right then and there. I retired my trusty old six shooter.

I embraced the change with a passion. As I previously said, I am a man of extremes. When I commit to something, I go all out.

The first thing I did, was to visualise the type of woman I wanted. Then I visualised the type of man this woman would be attracted to. Then I had to become that man. See, I am not into fortune seekers … so I was not going to prosper simply to attract a certain (shallow) type of woman into my life. Fortune seekers won’t last a week in my world, no matter how beautiful they are. I am after a woman with substance. I was going to prosper to give my dream woman and myself a good life, not because that was what she was after. She has to be a woman who will love me no matter what my bank balance is.

Would she like that I hop from woman to woman? Nope … so I stopped doing that. I became exclusive and selfish with myself. I only sleep with someone I really fancy long term. I don’t even go for coffee with any woman I could not see myself dating, unless we are geniune friends. I had to purify myself … become completely celibate. Save myself only for the right woman. I became selfish with myself and who I spent my time with. I wanted a woman with the same qualities, so I also had to adopt a lifestyle reflecting these qualities. I do not want a town bicycle … and so, I had to stop being a town bicycle myself.

It was no use that I was looking for certain qualities in a woman, when I was not displaying those same qualities … even when nobody was watching. The fact is, I realised that my behaviour might not be seen by other humans, but the Universe does not miss a thing. Everything you do and say sends out a certain message … an energy. That energy will draw in more of the same energy. So, it is important to send out the right frequency or energy, because you attract what you are.

I was never going to be interested in any woman who loved bars, clubs, smoking and alcohol. These were easy to avoid as I have never been into any of those. I realised that I had to become part of groups or clubs involving things I enjoyed doing, like hiking, crossfit, mountain biking and people appreciating healthy lifestyles. By doing that, I would meet likeminded people … and hopefully, the love of my life. I could never date a couch patoto and people who lived to eat. We simply would not have anything in common, would we?

I was also never going to be interested in religous fanatics. The delusional mindset is not for me. I want someone who is just a beautiful, loving and kind person for no reason at all. No religious paybacks, nothing. Being spiritual is good … being overly religious is not appealing at all. So, a church is not a place I would look for a partner, but your needs might differ from mine. If religion is important to you, go to church and associate yourself with likeminded people. We all have our own interests. Follow yours.

Getting involved with married women, was also never going to happen. I have been approached by so many married women, simply wanting to use me for sex, but I always declined. I kid you not … I have received numerous indecent proposals from married women over the years. Most of them were inbetween forty and fifty years old. Seems that’s a very dangerous age for married women. Luckily, I was never even tempted to accept the open invitations directed toward me.

I cannot put out such negative energy into the Universe. It can only draw in bad things to me. Apart from that, I realise that any woman, who will cheat on her partner or husband, will cheat on me too. A person like that, is not worth it. A person like that, does not possess the integrity and qualities I want in a woman. I won’t be associated with that type of person. I will only ever get involved with someone who is divorced and free to date. I will NEVER become involved with a married woman. My advice to you is also to never cross that line. Nothing good can come from it. A cheater will remain a cheater. As he/she cheated on their partner with you, so he/she will cheat on you. Cheating is not a characteristic I want in my life, nor admire. I want none of it.

Being very particular what I find appealing in a woman, I realised that I had to become very distinguished and remarkable in many ways to ensure that I will attract that one special lady. So, I have been reinventing myself over the past six years. I am continually striving to be the dream man, for the right woman by doing the following:

HONESTY & INTEGRITY: I am open and honest. I do not lie. If I am wrong, I will own up to it and admit it and use that experience to better myself. Integrity is key. I want a woman who is open, honest and displays true integrity … so I also live my life by those same qualities. Only by being what I want in my dream woman, will I be able to attract her.

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE: I always look my best and I work hard on maintaining a youthful and healthy appearance. I eat to live, not live to eat. I am fit and healthy. I can never attract someone with the same mindset and lifestyle if I have not embraced the same principles to live my life by. I take pride in my appearance, because I know my dream woman would want to be proud of me (and vice versa).

SUCCESSFUL CAREER: I always strive to be better and sharper in my career. I constantly develop my skills and make sure I know all there is to know. When I do something, I either do it as best I am able to, or I don’t do it at all. That goes for everything in my life, to be honest. At age fifty-four I am now also a student, who is finalising his degree in architecture. I am tying all the loose ends in my life. I want a together woman, so it is only fair to be a together man.

BEHAVIOUR: My daily behaviour is always dignified, respectful and easy going. Even when I am angry, I will never scream and shout. I will always address any issue in a rational and dignified way … and I will never get involved in mud slinging or arguments. Emotional maturity is very important to me. I display the same and I want the same in my partner. The surest way to see me walking away, is to behave in an unacceptable and irrational manner. I simply do not tolerate stupidity. It is like flicking a switch in my head … one minute I respect you, the next you will lose all credibility and respect, simply based on your behaviour. This is probably the most challenging characteristic to find. To me this one is a real deal breaker. I can work around many things, but not around this one. I am hopeful to find someone dignified and rational, as I am. I simply cannot settle for anything less.

EASY GOING: I am the most relaxed person in the world. My mood is always pleasant and friendly. Is it too hard to ask for the same? We all have bad days, but surely we can laugh at our problems and display a positive attitude. I want people to feel comfortable, safe and happy around me … and I can only associate myself with a partner with the same qualities. I really don’t want to dislike her. I want to like her even when she is in a bad mood. That can only happen if she will be easy going, rational and emotionally mature.

You might have your own list of things you would like to see in a partner. Whatever that list involves, you got to be it … live it. Be specific. If you are not specific, you will get just anybody … and I promise you such a generalised approach will rarely have a good outcome. The bottom line is:

You attract who you are.

You attract what you are.

You attract what you identify with.

You have to remain the dream person (and get better at it) over the years, or you won’t be able to keep your dream person. If you change for the worse or let yourself go, don’t be surprised when your partner leaves you. Always become better and more powerful in every way. Never stagnate. Never become a shadow of the person he/she fell in love with. Grow in every possible way. Reinvent yourself on a constant basis.

If you happen to constantly attract the same type of wrong people into your life, it is time to look deep inside yourself and change your own core values. It is time to change who you are. It is time to become the person you wish to attract into your life.

That’s what I have done six years ago. In the past six years, I have only dated three women. The longest one lasted thirteen months. Now if you know me, you will understand that I have completely changed my behaviour from dating woman after woman, to being very selective who I date. Anybody who knew me more than six years ago, will tell you that I had quite a bad reputation with women. These people will tell you that they cannot see me changing my ways, like I did. Well they are in for a surpise, because the good and pure person in me has come to the fore … because that is what I want in a partner.

The three women I had dated over the past six years, were all women who would have been out of my league before, because I was too raw and unpolished. I have now become so polished and accomplished that I am attracting better and better into my life. I am truly attracting very high class women into my life, simply because of who I have become. I am very happy to be single (and prefer to be single) if I cannot date a woman with certain qualities. I would rather be single till the end of my days, than settle for anything less than someone reflecting my own qualities and standards.

Let go of the wrong relationships. Don’t stay … it is unfair to both of you. Reinvent yourself. Be the person you wish to attract. Live it. Be it. Display the characteristics you want in your ideal partner.

That person will come. That person will be attracted into your life, as if by magic.

I am still waiting for that special one, but I am cool with it. Even if I never find her, I will still have improved my life for the better in every possible way … and that’s a very good thing. I am turning myself into a powerful and accomplished person … and there are so much peace, gratification and contentment in that.

Even if I never find her, I know she is admiring me from afar.

Yes, I see you. I feel you. I know you also long for me.

I would rather be admired and respected from afar, than be involved with someone whom I have settled for. Rather than settle, I prefer to stay single and always keep reinventing myself … and being happy and content by myself and with the man I have become.

Let’s face it, you have to be very special to win me over … and keep me.

If we have the same heart, the same core values and move on the same frequency, we will find each other. Until that day, I will make love to only you in my dreams … I will shower you with a love only reserved for you in everything I do (even though we are not yet together). I will remain committted to only you every day. I can feel you. You are out there. I cannot share my love and my body and my dreams with anybody but you.

Those are only reserved for you.

I would rather live with you in my imagination, then settle for anyone that is not you.

You are special like that.

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Predict your future based on your daily habits and rituals.

What you do today, predicts your future. Your daily rituals, habits and behaviour will accurately predict where you will end up in the future. Guaranteed. This is an absolute science … or a law of the Universe. Simply by observing people and their daily habits, we can predict where that person is going to end up later in life. It is therefore critical to use this knowledge to your advantage by adopting the right daily rituals, habits and behaviours.

I remember a case in South Africa, where an older sister stabbed her younger sister to death. Both were teenagers and the case shocked us all to the core. After initially trying to lie her way out of it, the older sister was eventually exposed and jailed. You might think that she served her penalty in jail and that all was forgiven. The Universe does not work like that. Her actions predicted much worse for her. Her actions predicted that she would lead a tormented life and die at a young age. It happened exactly like that. She died in a motor vehicle accident a short while after she was released from prison.

Spare a thought for the poor mother.

In another shocking case, a man stopped his car by the side of the road and shot his wife and two toddlers to death in a time when politcal unrest in South Africa was at a high. He tried to shift the blame to black people, who supposedly attacked his family. His lies were exposed and he was jailed. Again, his behaviour predicted that he would lead a tormented life and that he would die at a young age. Again, it happened exactly like that. Shortly after his release from prison, he was electrocuted and died on the scene.

Who didn’t see that coming?

Let’s consider road rage. Are you guilty of frequent aggression and interaction with other drivers? If so, you better stop. Before you know it, you will end up in a self created accident … or be beaten up … or shot. Or you will end up beating someone up or killing them. Your life will change forever in that instant. Not in a positive way. Even if you are able to avoid the abovementioned, you will simply draw in negative energy into your life by participating in negative and destructive actions such as road rage. My own brother suffered the consequences of a road rage incident. His body will never be the same … neither will his quality of life ever be what it could and would have been if he simply chose to take the next turnoff and drive away from an explosive situation. Instead, he chose to pursue engagement with the other driver and the end result was that his neck was broken. In that instant, his life changed for the worst … forever.

I remember always warning him not to get involved in road rage. Despite my best efforts, my warnings were ignored … and what I predicted would happen, did happen. When it did happen, it was too late to wish he had listened and backed off from an explosive situation. His actions predicted his future, long before it actually happened.

It really is so simple to understand.

I am always amazed by the comments from overweight and unhealthy people, stating that they cannot understand why they cannot lose weight or that they are self conscious about their bodies, etc. The simple truth is that their own bad daily habits are the cause for them being overweight and unhealthy. As Tony Robbins mentioned in one of his workshops (not his exact words, but similar): “Just by looking at the people in front of me, I can accurately predict what rituals you follow every day. Those that are in shape, will have a daily ritual of eating healthy foods, drinking healthy drinks and being disciplined. They will also be physically active. Those that are overweight and unhealthy will have daily rituals involving unhealthy eating, indiscipline and physical inactivity.” It really is as simple as that. Your daily rituals clearly predict where you will end up. You can either be fifty and have a youthful appearance, be stronger and better then ever before … or you can be fifty and have the appearance of a sixty-five year old person. I see this every day of my life. So many sicknesses and disease can be avoided simply by adopting the correct daily rituals and habits.

Let me tell you: It is easy to predict who will end up with cancer, diabetes or some other disease. Your daily rituals and habits will predict your future very accurately. Simply by looking at your daily eating and drinking regime, it can be predicted where you will end up in life … sooner or later.

You have the power to write your own script … be it negative or positive.

Let’s consider relationships or marriage. I bet I can predict with an high degree of accuracy which relationships or marriages will last and which won’t. If I observe people long enough, I will be able to spot daily rituals and habits that wil either lead to a long, lasting and happy marriage or one that will end up in divorce or constant unhappiness and conflict. It really is not rocket science. If you hang out in bars, abuse alcohol, flirt with other people, are dishonest, deceitful and constantly fight with your partner (or scream and shout at your poor children), you can rest assured that your relationship is doomed for failure. Your behaviour and rituals predict the outome of any relationship.

You can never say, “I didn’t see that one coming.”

How about if you use, abuse and cheat your way through life? Think you will lead a happy and fulfilled retired life? Think again. If you are not dead by fifty, you will end up with all kinds of illnesses, disease and unhappiness … guaranteed. The majority of your life will be unpleasant, uncomfortable and unhappy, despite the fortune you may have accumulated.

Why do you think people end up homeless on the streets? Bad luck? There is no such thing. It all boils down to the choices they have made in life. Your daily rituals and habits will predict if you will become homeless or not. Each homeless person out there has a (true) story that will make it clear why they ended up being homeless. They wrote their own script. Their daily actions and rituals caused them to be homeless and poor. Nobody else is to blame … they steered their own lives towards the inevitable result.

The truth is undeniable.

If you don’t educate yourself, you will never prosper professionally. With that, I don’t mean you must achieve a degree (although that’s an excellent thing to do). I mean that you must educate yourself in your chosen field of interest. You can drop out of school in Grade eight, but become a multi-millionare because of the skills you have acquired in your chosen profession. The point is you will become a creator of jobs … never work for someone else. Your passion and willingness to improve your skillset will propel you upwards professionally. Doors will open for you. Those that simply work their nine to five boring job, which they hate, but never educate themselves and expand their skillsets, cannot go on to bigger and better things. Their daily actions and rituals predict where they will end up further in the future (still unhappy and still stuck in their boring nine to five jobs).

I am always astounded by criminals and their short sighted behaviour. By being the criminals they are, they are simply dooming themselves to a short and unpleasant life. Live by the sword, die by the sword. If you riot and loot and destroy things, you are only dooming yourself to a life of uphill struggle, poverty, fear and unhappiness. It is a vicious cycle of negative energy that will hold you captive for as long (or short) as you live. Again, your actions and behaviour predicts your future….

There are those today who wants everything for free. They are unable to provide for themselves and live to drink their weekends away. Some even want their tertiary education for free. What will the end result be? Their behaviour predicts their future. They will always have the victim mentality and will never prosper in life. They will always remain someone else’s problem. The system must always look after them. They will always live from hand to mouth and will never be in demand professionally.

The manner in which you treat your clients and the quality of service you deliver, will predict how successful you will be in your career. Always deliver passionate work and always having a good attitude and enjoyable personality … and you will always be in demand, even during difficult times. The colour of your skin is never a predictor of how successful you will be in life. Definitely not. Only your actions, daily rituals, passion and commitment to good service delivery, will either make you highly in demand or cause you to struggle. You write that script … nobody else … and not the colour of your skin.

If you have the nasty habit of living in the past … always uttering negative words … thinking negative thoughts … wishing bad things onto others … always playing the victim … you are predicting your own future. You will have a life of negativity, bad luck and unpleasant situations. Life will be difficult for you. Guaranteed.

By associating yourself with the wrong people … or the wrong behaviour … we can predict your future with accuracy. Your life will continue on that downward spiral associated with people and behaviour like that. Nothing good can come from making the wrong choices.

If you have dreams and goals you would like to achieve, your own action and daily rituals will predict if you are going to reach those goals and dreams. If you talk a lot, but do nothing, you will look back in a year from now and still be no further along the road to realise those dreams and goals. However, if you start by taking one step towards that goal every single day, you WILL achieve that goal. That sense of accomplishment will propel you to achieve even more and better dreams and goals.

Let me share with you my daily rituals and habits:

I work for myself from home. I have been doing so since January 1994. The one thing I quickly learnt was to always make sure that I put my eight hours of productive work in each and every day. If I do that, the financial rewards will be there. My daily action in this regard also made sure that my focussed energy draws in more work to me. So, by taking one step towards the right direction every day, I am making sure that the financial rewards will be there … and new work gets drawn in to me. Now, if I lay on the coach every day or sat in a bar instead of doing my work, that would not happen, will it? Simply make sure you take a step in the right direction every day by adopting the right rituals and behaviour.

I also know that what I put into my body, will determine how I will feel and look in the days to come … so I make sure to only put good and wholesome foods and drinks into my body every single day. By doing that, I am sure to stay in shape, remain full of energy and be healthy and vibrant. Consuming the wrong foods and drinks always makes me feel lethargic and out of energy. The right foods have the opposite effect. I always focus on how I want to look and feel … and then I take the right step daily that would support that image. So, I eat right … drink right and train right every single day. Just by taking that small step in the right direction every day, I am able to always be in shape, remain fit and healthy. On top of that, I am just getting better, fitter and stronger as I age. You will not believe what I do daily in crossfit classes at the age of fifty-four. The younger version of myself will be ashamed.

The next little step I take daily is to meditate or manifest. I will always make time to sit alone somewhere or to go for a walk. While doing that, I will repeat and reinforce the eighteen or nineteen orders (or wishes) I had put in to the Universe. So, every day I remind myself what I want to achieve … and then I make sure to actively take one step forward every day for each of those wishes. By doing that, I am ensuring that I will achieve every single one of those dreams or wishes. Again, daily rituals….

The next step I take each and every day, is to grow emotionally, spiritually and intellectually … so I make sure to read something or watch something educational every evening that would make sure that I take a step forward in that area. It really is no use to postpone these positive actions to the next day when you might feel like it. Just do it, daily. Make it a habit. Feed and exercise your brain, daily. That’s a step forward, every day.

The same goes for my studies. I make time to study each and every evening. Just one step forward each and every day. That’s all that is needed to achieve whatever acadamic qualifications you are after. Don’t postpone and leave it too late, because then the mountain before you might be too big to overcome. Rather take one small step forward each and every day and the degree will be yours.

Family and friends are also important in my life. For that reason, I will make time to chat with them and keep in daily touch. Even forwarding a little joke to people who are special to me, makes sure that they know they are important to me. That little action, is like taking a step forward in making sure I reinforce and maintain the relationship with those family and friends. Receiving one message from family or friends daily, tells me that I am important to them. They are making an effort to keep in contact with me. That’s a beautiful thing. Once you lose touch, it is difficult to rebuild that connection … so I make sure to take one step forward every day by keeping in touch with those people most special to me. That simple action predicts how healthy your social and family circles will be.

Just one step per day in the right direction (towards each and every dream) is all that is required. It is like climbing a mountain. Just take one step forward … you will and must reach the top at some stage. It is inevitable. So, simply see each of your daily rituals and habits as taking one step forward towards your desired goals. You MUST and WILL achieve them of you do so.

However, unhealthy daily rituals will predict stagnation, unhappiness and ill health.

In conclusion, my daily eating and drinking behaviours and rituals predicts that I will remain healthy and fit. It also predicts that I will maintain good relationships with my family and friends. My work etchic predicts that I will flourish financially. By reading and watching educational stuff, I make sure that I am growing intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. By writing at least one page of a new book or studying one page towards my studies, we can predict that I will finalise another book and achieve another degree. By not associating myself with the wrong people, we can predict that I would probably not end up in negative situations. So simple.

Just adopt the right daily rituals and habits in every facet of your life. Take one step forward in each area. By doing that, you can safely predict your future with a high degree of accuracy.

Just one little step forward every day … in every facet of your life, is all that is required.

Write your own script.

Predict your own future, by adopting the right daily rituals and habits.

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The alienation of my son, Sam (#006)

So, now I have been cleared by the SAPS and State Prosecutor that I may see my son. Good news indeed … but what astounded me, was that these clowns – who caused total havoc and destruction in our lives – now just left us to pick up the pieces all by ourselves. Incredibly, the same idiots who repeat the phrase “it’s all about the best interests of the child,” like true parrots, did not once think of seeing to it that father and son gets reunited with each other.

Isn’t that in the best interest of the child?

Surely.

Not in the world of these incompetent idiots.

The South African Police Child Protection Sevices came into our lives and tore father and son away from each other. They assisted Evil Anne in the alienation of father and son. They used the phrase, “it’s all about the best interests of the child” to justify their support for Evil Anne. Then – after many months of doing nothing (but assisting in the alienation of father and son) they simply said, “Yes, OK you can see your child” and then left us just like that … after all the trauma, pain and destruction they had caused in our lives. In a sensible and logical system, they should then have gone all out to make sure that father and son gets reunited with each other … and that Evil Anne gets prosecuted. They did none of that. They just walked away and left us to pick up the pieces.

How is this in the best interest of the child?

These people are equally guilty of criminal behaviour as Evil Anne is. As I said before, they must and will be exposed.

The first step I took when I was cleared to see my son, was to appoint an attorney to deal directly with Evil Anne. To me, she had seized to exist as a human being. I could not bring myself to even acknowledge her in any way, let alone communicate with her on any level. It is at this time that Evil Anne tried a fast one by borrowing money to try to (again) discredit me as Sam’s father. She approached the High Court in Cape Town and tried to ambush the system, then only notified us of the court date two days before. Despite their underhanded action, we were able to respond and file opposing papers by the court date. She didn’t see that one coming. She counted on us not having enough time to respond. We stopped her in her tracks. In the next few months, we got involved in litigation, which ended in a High Court order being issued in my favour. In short, the court granted me all my wishes and rejected all of Evil Anne’s wishes. A massive victory for me and my legal team. The bottom line was that the Family Advocate was appointed to look into and report back to the court re which parent Sam should permanently live with. That has been ongoing ever since … at my cost. It is a slow and methodical (and very costly) process.

Now let me share the shocking timeline with you. This should make it very clear how Evil Anne had coached and manipulated my little boy to further her own evil agenda. Stand back and see pure evil at work:

On 18 April 2016, my ex wife was in contact with both me and Evil Anne. My ex wife was playing the role of a self appointed detective on my behalf, to establish the whereabouts of Evil Anne. I suppose she was hoping I would be so grateful for this that I would take her back. That didn’t happen. It was only then that I learnt that Evil Anne had moved away to Cape Town with my son. On 20 April 2016, the pre-school in Cape Town suddenly reported that Sam was saying negative things about me as his father. Remember how she had also coached her other son to make the same comments about her ex husband a few years before that? Yes, the same evil cycle was repeating itself.

See the coincidence? Just two days after my ex had contacted Evil Anne, my son was now suddenly making negative comments about me. You really don’t have to be a brain surgeon to understand what is going on here.

But wait … there is more.

On 17 August 2016, Advocate Linda le Roux (State Prosecutor) cleared me to see my son. This was immediately followed by a spike in negative comments from my son to the pre-school. The pre-school also fell prey to Evil Anne’s evil agenda and suddenly concluded that Sam was doing drawings with sinister meanings. These were dated 24 and 25 August 2016. Then, on 6 September 2016, the pre-school also drew sinister conclusions from another drawing Sam did, although they were not trained psychologists or social workers.

Evil Anne was clearly coaching and manipulating Sam to act for the audience, each time she heard anything from my side.

So, twice now there were immediate spikes in negative behaviour from my son immediately after events (he had no knowledge of … or should not have had any knowledge of) happened. Just a coincidence, you say? Think again.

Maybe this will convince you otherwise….

On 19 September 2016, my attorney came into contact with Evil Anne to arrange immediate visitation with my son. On 20 September 2016, the pre-school suddenly reported that Sam was scared out of his mind, because “I was on my way to come hurt him.” Now, remember, Sam should not be aware of the fact that we had contacted his mother. It is blatantly obvious how Evil Anne was coaching him to act for the audience and manipulating the pre-school to support her in her evil agenda.

So, three events (of which my five year old son should have had no knowledge of) followed by immediate negative reaction from him. The negative reaction was not staggered or random. They came immediately after there was any mention of my name to his mother (not to him). She was the one who involved him. She was the one who scared him and told him that I wanted to come hurt him. Can you imagine what that little boy had to go through? Again, I must remind you that she did the very same thing to her other son and ex husband…..

See what Evil Anne was doing?

It is so blatantly obvious.

On 18 October 2016, Evil Anne informed the pre-school that I had applied to the High Court to take Sam away from her and take over primary care. Remember, this was all done in court papers, of which Sam should know nothing. On 22 October 2016, Evil Anne got the pre-school to sit down with Sam and he made negative comments about me. It was obvious from the comments that he was coached to believe that I wanted to come hurt him. OK, it is obvious that there is a pattern here, right? Even the most devoted Evil Anne supporter would agree that there is a definite pattern on display here. Coincidence has long been ruled out.

But wait … there is even more.

On my birthday, 7 December 2016, Sam and I had our first Skype session after not seeing each other for thirteen months. I was in Port Elizabeth and he in Cape Town. A social worker supervised Sam. Despite what Evil Anne had coached Sam to say to the pre-school, he reacted the opposite way when he saw me. He blew kisses at me and told me he loved me. We had a lovely session. However, Evil Anne made sure she was nearby to hear how he interacted with me. When she heard how positively he reacted to me, she went to work on him. She then coached him and threatened (just like she did to her other son and ex husband) him to behave negatively in the following Skype session a few days thereafter. His behaviour changed like day and night. The change in his behaviour didn’t make any sense. Yet, despite her coaching, he could not maintain the false facade for long … and always ended up interacting pleasantly with me. Again, it was blatantly obvious how she was manipulating and coaching him to act for the audience in support of her evil agenda. Abusing her child in this way, didn’t matter to her. It was all about what she wanted … not about the harm she was doing to Sam … and definitely not about the best interests of the child.

On 17 December 2016, Sam and I were physically reunited with each other. His behaviour was as loving and close to me as always. He told me that he was very happy to have me back in his life. The time we spent together went brilliantly well. He did not display one moment of fear or trauma, in the absence of Evil Anne. He was up close and personal to me at all times. During this session, we saw how Evil Anne’s other son was spying on us. We pretended not to see him. Then suddenly, when Evil Anne realised that Sam was not behaving as she had coached him to do, she went to work on him with more determination. Then Sam suddenly made negative comments to me during our next physical contact session. This happened only after we had played nicely for four hours, when I announced that I had to leave. He first played lovingly and beautifully with me for a few hours and then – when I had to leave – he suddenly remembered that he better make some negative comments, otherwise his mother would punish him later. The comments were made without any feeling … he certainly didn’t mean what he said. He just mouthed the words his mother had coached him to say.

It became very obvious then how Sam would run to me in wild excitement when I arrived for physical contact sessions, but how rejected he would feel when I had to go. Despite what his mother had coached him to do and say, he knew who his father was and he felt safe with me. His loving behaviour towards me simply rubbished everything Evil Anne tried to convince everyone. Sam wanted to get into my car on numerous occassions, wanting to go with me. His behaviour said it all. The heartbreaking thing to witness was how Evil Anne was ruthlessly exposing our innocent son to emotional and psychological abuse to further her own evil agenda.

On 27 January 2017, my attorney filed 254-page thick court papers to the High Court in Cape Town. A copy was also sent to Evil Anne. Let me tell you what this wonderful mother of the year did then. Can you guess? She shared certain things from my court papers with five-year old Sam simply to get him to make negative comments against me. Things he should have had no knowledge of, was shared with him. How shocking is this? What kind of a mother involves a five-year old boy in adult litigation? Yet, nobody stepped in to take her to task. Everyone was simply observing the situation and making notes for their respective reports … never once intervening to save Sam from the emotional and psychological abuse he was being subjected to by his mother.

From then on, we all witnessed the trend of negative coaching by Evil Anne each time there was an evaluation or appointment with a social worker or a pshycologist. I told all these people even before they saw Sam that he was going to be coached to act negatively for the audience (in stark contrast to how loving he was towards me before each of those critical meetings). It happened exactly as predicted every time. It was so blatantly obvious what Evil Anne was doing behind the scenes to her innocent little child. And still, everyone just made notes on what they observed and did nothing to intervene. This traumatised me very much. I could not stand by and see how my innocent little child was being abused by his own mother. I would rather walk away and save him from the abuse he was being subjected to … but that would have played nicely into Evil Anne’s plans, wouldn’t it? That would have meant that she got away with the perfect crime … so, I simply had to stay strong and fight for justice for Sam and I.

That is where we are at present. All the evaluations and investigations have been done. Evil Anne has been exposed. Everyone involved have realised what she had done. The evidence is there for all to see. The next step is to present all the documents to the High Court and have Evil Anne prosecuted and my son placed under my permanent care. The process takes time and it is costly … very costly … but we are now almost at the end of it. We will also most certainly sue the South African Police Child Protection Services for their role in the alienation of my son and I … and then not for accepting responsibility to reunite us with each other, as they should have.

So, this is my last post about this subject. I needed to document this story for various reasons. Firstly, in the hope that I can save other parents and their children from the same fate. Secondly, to make sure the right people learn about this story so that the system can be updated and become more “best interest of the child friendly” …. because at present it is anything but. My third objective was to make sure that there is a public record of exactly what happened, so that my son would be able to learn the horrific truth, should something happen to me.

The truth must be revealed to him, period. Remember, Evil Anne did exactly the same thing to her ex-husband … and her father and stepmother also alienated her from her real mother many years ago. This is a pattern in her life.

How sad is it that an innocent little child’s life was allowed to be so brutally destroyed due to the actions of his own mother? I am very scared of the damage that was done to Sam. I am worried about how he will turn out later in life … how all of this would affect him on the long run.

It is beyond comprehension.

I can just hope he is blessed with my good genes and that he will become a better person because of (and prosper in spite of) what happened to him.

Justice for Sam.

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Stuttering Joe, I am.

I really do not know when I first realised that I was burdened with a severe stutter. I guess it was just part of me at first. I simply didn’t know any better in the first few years of my life. I think I first realised that I had a severe speech impediment when I had to say my name in class on my first day at school. All the other kids breezed through their names … but when it was my turn, the momentum screeeched to a halt, like one of those records in the movies. When that record got stuck, it really got stuck. I could literally not get a word out.

I didn’t realise it at that time, but I was also blessed with a powerful and sharp brain. I had a natural awareness, understanding and perception of what was going on around me. I could instinctively read people and situations. The problem was that I didn’t understand how to use the brain I had been blessed with. In short, my powerful brain worked against me. I was too aware … too awake … too able to see right through people and understand each situation. Even the slightest muscle twitch in a person’s face, body language, facial expression or the glint in their eyes told me exactly what he/she was about and what his or her intentions were. Being blessed with abilities such as these, I was rendered incompetent to speak. Why? Because I was simply too aware of each situation and each person. I was constantly reading them … assessing the situation … assessing them. By doing that, I made myself ten times more stressed and nervous … because I could see right through them within a few minutes. Only after I had gathered all that information, I then understood how to deal with or approach the person in front of me. For that reason, speaking in front of an individual person became easier … but was impossible in a large group (like in a classroom).

Yes, I am blessed with the INFJ personality type, but I didn’t know it at that time.

I had two lives at school … one was the person I was in class and the other was the person I was during breaks and after school. In class, I was unable to say a word, full stop. During breaks and out of school, I could communicate far better … but only with people I had learnt to trust. People I had built a relationship with. People who really understood how to deal with my speech impediment. In class, I was reserved and nervous … during breaks, I was outgoing and expressive.

I really cannot say that other children laughed at me or taunted me due to my severe stutter. There were a few, as you may expect … but the majority just took my stutter in their stride. I guess, my general attitude also deterred some of them from laughing at me or bullying me. I would simply have walked over to them and punched them. I was a fearless little guy. Very feisty, indeed. Far from a pathetic figure. Feeling sorry for myself, wasn’t on the cards. At the same time, I was also blessed with a high level of emotional intelligence. On the odd occassion that someone laughed at me, I would simply look over to him/her with pity and understanding, instead of getting annoyed. To be honest, I never had to punch someone (or felt the urge) for laughing or joking at my stutter. Even at a young age, I realised that some people were simply not as gifted as I was. For that reason, I understood why they laughed. I felt a sincere pity and understanding for them. They were entry level idiots in my mind … which is why I could feel compassion towards them even when they laughed at me. Just to repeat, this really didn’t happen much. The saying that kids are cruel, does not apply to me. They are only cruel if you allow them to be. I had a strong enough personality to deter them from being cruel to me.

My stutter became so bad, that I was exempted from having to perform reading or do oral in class. At one stage, I could only open my mouth very wide when I tried to speak … and that’s where I got stuck. My mouth basically went into spasm and only strange noises came out. My audience would then be faced with a wide open mouth with no words coming out of it. I felt like a freak show. Other kids spoke so effortlessly and I could not even get the simplest word out. The realization that I had a huge problem, made my speech even worse. I struggled to cope. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be able to speak, read aloud in class and participate in conversations like all the other kids… But I simply could not. I was an expressive person … very social … I always had something to say … but I simply could not get a word out. It was torture. It was a very hard pill to swallow.

Even during these horrible times, real life angels appeared to make my life easier. Some of the children at school and also my immediate family quickly learnt how to best communicate with me. I simply had to utter the first letter of a word, before they would accurately predict what I wanted to say. I would then nod my approval and move on to the next word … which they would again say on my behalf. When they guessed wrong, I would shake my head and they would keep trying until they were correct. In that way, we could have a semi-fluent, albeit strange, conversation. They did all the talking for both themselves and for me. I truly appreciated that, because it was a way for me to say what I wanted to say and not be sidelined or ignored. Some of them, became so good at knowing what I was going to say, that they could accurately guess a whole sentence, when I attempted to say the first letter of the first word in that sentence. I adopted body language, facial expressions and gestures to express myself. This helped a lot.

Of course, some people would sometimes take the Mickey out of me by guessing the wrong word or sentence on purpose … even though they knew exactly what I wanted to say. This led to some very hilarious situations. Luckily, I always had the ability to laugh at myself. I never got offended … unless people were really being unsympathetic, which rarely happened. One of the most unsympathetic persons I have ever encountered, was one of my own brothers (I don’t associate myself with him today). This dude offended me big time. It was as if he had no understanding for what he was doing. It was not nice when you simply wanted to participate in general conversations at home with your family, only to be made fun of and embarrassed. He truly made me feel like the village idiot. One of his favourite things was to pretend he was starting a cold car, while I was making strange noises in an attempt to say something. Nasty.

My marks at primary school were excellent, even though I never thought of myself as being intellectually gifted. I simply breezed through school. My stutter was just something which made the journey a little unpleasant and difficult to deal with. To me, it seemed that I was the only one who was dealt with a very raw hand. I just wanted to be normal. That was not to be. Little did I know that most of the other children also had their own set of issues in life. Some could not do sport. Some were gay, in a time where it was not socially accepted. Some suffered from depression or bipolar disorder … and so the list goes on. I didn’t know this at the time. To me, I was the only one with issues.

The years flew by. I was sent to various speech therapists … all of which, did not prove helpful in any way. I was even sent to an UK doctor (visiting in Port Elizabeth) whom specialised in hypnotherapy. He claimed he could cure people like me. I was very excited at first … only to discover that it was all a waste of time. I ended the therapy, when he came on to me one day. I kid you not. The bloke fancied me. It was quite a shock. I didn’t go back to him again and I never told anyone about what happened.

In my first year at High School I got a hard slap from a Matric boy, because he thought I was mocking him when I tried to answer a question he had asked. I was just trying my best to get a word out – already being nervous in my new school environment – when this idiot slapped me as hard as he could. My ears were ringing for hours thereafter. When one of my neighbours – who was also in matric – confronted him later, he said he thought I was mocking him. He simply didn’t know I stuttered and he had never encountered someone whom stuttered before. To his credit, he did come to apologise.

It was like rubbing salt into my open wounds.

By the time I became a senior at school, I realised that I was admired by many girls. School became fun then. I loved to be admired and checked out. There was one problem, though … my severe speech impediment. I could speak reasonably well with the boys who knew me, but I could not get a word out when I had to speak to a girl. Going over to a girl and asking her out, was never going to happen. Instead, I checked them out from a distance … we exchanged long and hard stares and smiles … never taking it further than that. I could have had a new girlfriend every month … instead, I had none. Simply because I could not speak.

In my mind, girls would not like me when they heard how I struggled to speak. I didn’t give them the opportunity to prove me wrong. I just assumed they wouldn’t like me if they heard how I struggled to speak. I could not lose all my adoring fans … and so, I simply kept my distance. Little did I know, I was dead wrong. Many girls would not have been bothered by my stutter at all. I was fighting my own demons in my mind. I wanted to be perfect … my speech had to match my looks. Nobody would want me, once they heard I stuttered … or so I convinced myself. I could not deal with that rejection. I could cope with my stutter while I knew I was being admired. It would have been too tough to handle if I was rejected due to my stutter.

At one stage, I decided to take action and I asked a friend to go over to a girl, whom I quite liked, to ask her out on my behalf. So, he asked her out on my behalf. Lame, I know. To my surprise, she agreed and said she felt the same way about me. Just like that, I had my first date to a Friday night movie with a girl I truly fancied.

This is where the butterflies started flying around … little cupids were shooting their arrows at us … beautiful romantic music was playing in the background … man, it was heavenly. This beautiful girl also liked me as much as I liked her. I floated on cloud number nine.

Screeeeeeech.

This is where the record screeched to a halt.

You see, we met up at the movie. We sat next to each other. I held her hand. The sparks were flying between us … but there was one problem. I didn’t speak one word to her all evening. When she asked me a question or spoke to me, I simply did not respond. I didn’t mean it, but I was downright rude to her … simply because I could not speak to her. I did not even attempt to speak to her. She must have felt extremely rejected and frustrated by my behaviour. That was it for us. That’s where our relationship ended even before it began.

I felt like a freak show.

I had the girl of my dreams … and I simply could not man up.

I made a huge issue of my stutter. My own attitude made my life abnormal. I should simply have embraced my stutter. Instead, I pretended that I didn’t stutter, by not speaking at all. What the fuck? By doing that, I pushed people away from me. I sabotaged every chance I had to date a nice girl. They didn’t have an issue with my stutter … I did.

When I got to Matric, I was a hot favourite amongst the girls. I knew it. I could see how they admired me. Yet, I was still not ready to approach someone and have a conversation with them. All of this changed one day, when I won the 3000m middle distance race at the school’s athletic meeting. As I crossed the line, this girl was standing there with open arms, screaming her delight that I had won. I could not avoid her. I ran straight into her open arms. Before I realised what was happening, she planted a huge, wet kiss right on my sweaty lips … in front of the pavilion. That broke the ice a bit. The end result was, that we began to speak and I asked her out a few days after that. She became my very first girlfriend. We awkwardly dated for a month, before I ended it.

With the ice broken as far as dating was concerned, my attitude changed. That opened many new doors for me. Before I knew it, I had three girls fighting to date me at the same time. They were best friends. All three of them wanted me. I couldn’t quite believe my luck. I had to choose, so I dated the one whom I liked most. Her two friends became quite distant and cold toward me then. Rejection is never a nice thing. When the one I dated moved away to Cape Town, I simply moved on to the second best option of the three. She then became my girlfriend for most of my matric year.

Things had changed a bit, since I changed my attitude.

Yes, I realised that I had a severe speech impediment, but I also realised that I had so many other positive things going for me. I just had to learn to embrace my stutter and not make an issue of it.

Before I knew it, I was out if school and a first year student in architecture at the University of Port Elizabeth. I was again a junior … and that made my stutter much worse. I – again – adopted the unfriendly, distant approach … which simply made me unpopular. I pushed people away from me in my struggle to cope with my stutter.

When I reached my third year at university, I was again a senior … and the floodgates opened as far as females was concerned. They simply came on to me thick and fast. They basically threw themselves at me. I could pick and choose as I wanted.

Oh the things I got up to then….

I learned then to embrace my stutter, rather than make an issue of it. It was very obvious that the majority of girls simply didn’t care that I stuttered. I was proven totally wrong. My stutter was never the issue … my own attitude was the issue. Once I learned to embrace my stutter and make it part of who I am, the doors simply opened in every facet of my life. I could pick and choose amongst girls. I made numerous great friends. Life simply became more enjoyable and normal. I had missed out on so much good times in the past due to my unapproachable attitude. Everything changed the day I learned to embrace my stutter. Suddenly good things came my way.

People really like when you embrace who you are and the hand you were dealt with. By accepting your situation, you will draw people in to you. They rarely have an issue with your problems, if you – yourself – don’t have an issue with it. A positive attitude and pleasant personality will make your disability or problems insignificant and obsolete.

I realized then that I only stuttered. It could improve over time. It was not something I could do nothing about. I realized I had to be grateful that I had a powerful brain … two strong arms … two strong legs (albeit thin). I could see perfectly. I could hear perfectly. I had a good and strong body. I had no mental issues. I had good sporting abilities. I had very good looks.

I really had it all going for me … except for having a serious stutter. It could have been so much worse. I could have been blind or deaf. I could have had a deformed arm or hand … or none at all.

I learned then to be grateful for who and what I was and with the hand I was dealt with.

That was the moment, my life changed. From that moment, I learned to joke with myself and people found this very endearing. My attitude and positive personality pulled people in towards me on all levels. I learned to make silly jokes when I got stuck on a word. This made people laugh and turned the situation into a pleasant and comfortable experience.

See, your problem is only a problem when you make it a problem. The moment you accept and embrace the hand you were dealt with, endless opportunities awaits you. Doors will open as if by magic. People will be drawn in to you. You can turn the most unpleasant and difficult-to-deal-with circumstances into your favour, simply by embracing it and making it part of who you are.

What also happened once I embraced my stutter, was that my speech improved dramatically. I still stutter today, but it has improved dramatically. I go about life in a normal way. I speak to strangers in shops or restaurants and I am as expressive as my personality needs me to be. Telephone conversations has become easy and effective (this was a huge problem area for me).

One of my clients once told me, “I don’t even realize that you stutter anymore, because of your pleasant and outgoing personality.” There is the trick right there. For a man who was once told by a lecturer at university that I would never be able to deal directly with clients, because of my speech impediment, I had certainly turned things around completely. Clients love interacting with me and they give me projects because of who I am. I am in high demand, despite of my stutter.

Point is: embrace the hand you have been dealt with. Don’t make excuses. Accept it and make yourself powerful and in demand, despite your issues. Learn to approach your issues in a positive and constructive manner. Above all, make sure you adopt a light hearted approach towards your issues. Crack jokes about it. Make people laugh and make them enjoy your company. This is where the magic comes in. This is where you pull people in towards you. This is where doors open for you on every level.

Be proud to be who you are, despite your issues.

Stuttering Joe, I am.

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The alienation of my son, Sam (#005)

I was still totally unaware that I would not see my son for a very long time. I dropped him off at the pre-school on Monday, 26 October 2015 … and the agreement was that I would pick him up later in the week. In this same time, Evil Anne opened a case of sexual molestation against me. Remember, she did the very same thing to her ex-husband a few years before that. Now it was my turn. I was still looking forward to see my son later in the week and had no idea what Evil Anne was up to.

Even during the period that she was opening a case of sexual molestation against me, she contacted me in a very friendly manner to try to manipulate me into paying one of her accounts. She also asked for money. In fact, she asked for money on the very same day that she opened the case against me. Now if you know Evil Anne, you will understand that she would have done no such thing if she truly believed I molested Sam. There was simply no way, given her aggressive and out of control personality. Her friendly behaviour made it very clear what the true situation was. This was an evil opportunist at work.

As per our agreement, I went to the pre-school to pick Sam up later in the week, only to be told that he was not there. This frustrated me, because it had become a pattern over the preceding weeks that Evil Anne would forget all about our arrangements. I drove to her place of residence and also tried to call her numerous times. She simply was nowhere to be found. Instead, a strange number called me … and that’s when I instinctively knew what she had done even before I took the call.

I took the call and a certain Constable Venter (real name … yes, let’s name and shame these idiots) was on the other end of the line. She told me that a case was opened against me and that I could not see my son, but that she wanted to see me the following day. I refused and demanded to see her right away. After a bit of back and forth, she eventually agreed to meet me.

The first thing I told this Constable Venter, was to demand that she put me on a lie detector test right away. I had nothing to hide. To my utter surprise, I was told that South African law does not recognise lie detector tests. Obviously because the people in South Africa had such brilliant minds (far from it) that they could manipulate these tests … something no American can obviously do … because lie detector tests are accepted in court in the States. Or can we safely assume that the people who has to do these tests in South Africa are simply incompetent? Sounds about right….

The second thing I told this village idiot, was to bring my son before me without delay and see how he reacted. I told her that he would cling to me and would not want to go back to his mother. Now in a sensible system, this would have happened. End of story right there. Evil Anne would have been exposed then and there. Not in South Africa. You see, Evil Anne had spoken the magic words:

“He molested my son.”

These idiots were programmed to immediately believe her story and to assist her in alienating a loving father from his adoring child. The system had trained this person to immediately assume that it would be in the best interests of the child to alienate him from his father, just because a crazy and evil person had uttered the magic words.

Those magic words rendered the police and state prosecuting system into immediate robots incapable of clear and rational thought. The moment those words get said, these people become feelingless robots.

Just like that, Evil Anne had found the perfect partner in crime … THE SOUTH AFRICAN POLICE CHILD PROTECTION SERVICES. Their robotically programmed employee (Constable Venter) then played a pivotal role in assisting Evil Anne in the alienation of father and son. In addition, another village idiot, called Advocate Le Roux (State Prosecutor), gave them the legal support to pull their evil agenda off. Evil Anne referred to Adv. Le Roux as being a personal friend of hers in a voice message that was sent to a very good friend of mine (in my possession). Now that’s curious! While they went home to their loving families every evening, Sam and my lives were completely destroyed due to their actions. Can I tell you how it feels to have a child ripped from your life? No words can explain what I went through. It would have been easier to deal with if Sam had just died. I was a zombie for four months. I could not work or do anything. I just breathed. Each breath hurt, like hell. My beautiful little boy was ripped away from me. I struggled to cope.

My daughter would call Advocate Le Roux to get her to give the go-ahead that I can see my son, when she would ask the numbing and shocking question: “Why does he want to see Sam?” You see, those magic words spoken by Evil Anne had turned these people into robots with absolutely no feeling. No ability to think. They only repeated what they were trained to say. What clear thinking and rational person would ask why a parent would want to see his/her own child? What kind of a monster would reason like this? Yet, she would go home to her own children every night as if only she has the ability and the right to love her children. I was numb with shock and trauma, when I realised how much these people were invested in Evil Anne’s evil agenda.

Yes, I have zero respect for the SAPS Child Protection Services and the Prosecuting Authority in South Africa. They robbed me of a child … and they robbed my son of a loving father. They did not do their job, full stop. If they had any idea what they were doing, Sam and I would have been reunited with each other within a week after Evil Anne played her evil card. I would be grateful if these people read my blogs. Hopefully, this will assist in preventing them from doing the same to other parents and their children. I am certainly going to make sure that all the right people read my blogs. Wouldn’t it be lovely if they came after me? Either way, they will be exposed.

As already mentioned, these people should have done one simple test. They should just have brought Sam to my house and see how he reacts. He would have been excited out of his mind and would have refused to leave again. He would have clung to me and he would have cried hysterically if he had to leave me.

So simple.

Did they do it?

No!!

These brillant minds could not think that far. Even after I had asked them to do so, they still didn’t do it. They were robots, incapable of clear and rational thought. They had all the power and resources, but zero brains. Instead, they chose to blindly believe Evil Anne and to side with her. They became the perfect partner in crime for her.

South African Police Child Protection Services … please take a bow. You alienated a loving father and son from each other. Well done to you. After all, the best interest of the child is all that matters … or so you repeat, like parrots. The truth is that you do not act in the best interest of the child … definitely not in my case.

The second thing these idiots should have done, was to treat both parents the same way. They should have looked at Evil Anne as much as they were looking at me. They should have looked at who the person was that was making the accusations. Isn’t that something which should automatically happen in a sensible, logical and rational system? Would that not be acting in the best interest of a child? Yes, indeed. But remember, we are in South Africa. The system and the government employees are anything but sensible, logical and rational. The average level of intelligence is also lower than the average in the world. Get my drift? Yes, we are dealing with true idiots here.

At one stage, I sent Constable Venter a text message in which I enquired about the progress in my case. In my mind, the accusations were so ridiculous and laughable that they should have known after only a few days that Evil Anne was abusing the system to get them to assist in alienating my son from me. I told this detective that I am desperate to be reunited with my son and that I cannot see why they were dragging their feet, like they were. Now, let me tell you how this feelingless robot reacted to my enquiry:

“Don’t make your problem mine.”

Just like that.

I looked at my phone in horror. I could not believe what I was reading.

I will never forget those words for as long as I live. A knife through my heart would have been less painful and traumatic. That was the moment when I realised that the Police and Prosecuting authority were totally invested in Evil Anne’s evil agenda … and that they were not going to do much to expose the truth. I think they would rather have framed me. That’s how invested they were in Evil Anne’s agenda. Evil Anne is a master manipulator after all.

Another thing, these brilliant minds did not even attempt to do, was to interview me. Apart from the first very short, informative meeting, I did not see them or hear from them again. Yes, correct. They just told me to stay away from my child and then they simply disappeared. What a brilliant police force and prosecuting system.

So much for their motto, “it’s all about the best interest of the child.”

The best interest of the child would only have been served if these idiots looked at Evil Anne with equal suspicion as they did me. The best interest of the child would only have been served if they didn’t blindly believe Evil Anne after she spoke the magic words, which turned them into feelingless robots, incapable of clear and logical thought. Surely the best interest of a child would only have been looked after if their first action was to prevent evil criminals like Evil Anne to abuse the system … after all, this kind of thing happens regularly all over the world. Now, if you are aware that these things happens regularly and you still blindly embrace the same system of alienating loving parents from their children, then really, there are no other words for you than “incompetent and useless idiots.”

How is it in the best interest of a child to assist in alienating that child from a loving parent when you are fully aware that parents regularly make themselves guilty of the same criminal behaviour? This should surely have been the first thing they should have checked into and eliminated from their checklist.

How fucking stupid are they?

How can they call themselves a police service … or rather a SAPS Child Protection Service? How can they call themselves a public prosecuting unit? How can they call themselves a service to a nation? They are an embarrassment … not a service. How can they go on live radio and mislead all the listeners in their sweet and soppy voices to believe that they are heroes who protects innocent children? The truth is, they might be doing a good job in some cases, but in my case (and many other cases which I have read about), they have assisted an evil criminal in alienating her son from his loving father. They are equally as guilty as she is. They are equally as guilty of a criminal offence as she is … and should be prosecuted with her. Full stop.

On 22 November 2015, Evil Anne posted photos on social media, placing them in Somerset West during the week … not over a weekend. Now remember, she had made plans long before accusing me of molestation to relocate to Cape Town. With me out of the way, she was now actively pursuing the next step in her evil agenda … to move far away from me … just like her father and stepmother did to alienate her from her mother all those years ago.

Monkey see … monkey do.

During the week of 25 December 2015, she again posted photographic evidence of them in Cape Town … the second time within just a thirty day period. Now this is very unusual for Evil Anne to travel around that much. I only discovered these posts much later. At that stage, I wasn’t even aware of this … if I did see the posts, I would have immediately realised what she was up to. Yet, I was sadly uninformed and ignorant. I was so uninformed about the situation – which happened with the full blessing of Advocate Linda le Roux – that I continued to pay Sam’s school fees in Port Elizabeth long after they had already relocated to Cape Town. Nobody did the decent thing and tell me about it … not even those professing that they were acting in the best interest of the child. Although she needed my signature to enrol Sam into a new school in Cape Town, she again – fraudulently – managed to do just that. Yes, this criminal knew how to manipulate the system to serve her evil agenda. She played them like puppets.

During March 2016, I had enough of not hearing or seeing anything from the SAPS. In the four months since the case was opened, they had not contacted me once … and they had not taken a statement from me. It was obvious that the case had been shelved and they had forgotten all about “the best interest of the child,” as they would so glowingly repeat like parrots. To them, the best interest of a child means to alienate a child from his parent, with zero reason or evidence to support their actions. I decided to confront them … so, I marched right into their offices and did just that. To my very surprise the Captain who dealt with me, then told me that my daughter was now also being implicated (although Evil Anne and my son had already relocated to Cape Town, which I still didn’t know about at that stage). I sat right in front of that dude, and it didn’t cross his mind to tell me that my child was no longer in Port Elizabeth. The situation was so ridiculous and laughable, that I could almost not look at the dude with a straight face. There was mention of my daughter and I being incestuous lovers.

I kid you not.

The shocking part, was that this clown seemed as if he was eating these wild accusations up like it was chocolate cake … or alcohol. Yes alcohol, he is in the SAPS Child Protection Services after all. They have to be a bunch of drunks to believe all the crap they were being fed by Evil Anne, without even once thinking to rather look at who is making all these wild and wonderful accusations.

Despite receiving a report from the Social Worker whom evaluated my son, Sam, on 14 March 2016, the SAPS Child Protection Services still blindly clung to the robotic decision they made to support Evil Anne. The report found that the sexual molestation accusations were not credible and dismissed it. Now, at that stage they had no physical evidence and no social worker’s report to support Evil Anne’s claims. In fact, they had NOTHING … ZERO … FUCK ALL. Yet – incredibly – they still supported Evil Anne in her evil agenda. Now what does this tell you about these people who claim they act in the best interest of the child? Yes, correct … they all should be fired and charged for assisting a criminal in her evil agenda.

That’s the bottom line: they had nothing to support any of these claims. They did not even taken a statement from me. All they went on, was Evil Anne’s word.

Yes, I am going to sue these criminals.

I was only informed in April 2016 that my son was long gone from Port Elizabeth. I was shocked to my very core. I simply could not believe what I was hearing. The worst is that neither the police, nor Evil Anne informed me. My ex wife was the one whom informed me. She just packed up and moved to Cape Town with the police and state prosecutor’s blessing. All of this is of course in the best interest of the child, I assume? The words “fucked up” comes to mind.

Despite knowing from 14 March 2016 that they had nothing to support Evil Anne’s claims, the brilliant SAPS Child Protection Services still kept my son Sam and I apart from each other. They really made sure that they gave Evil Anne sufficient time to brainwash and coach Sam against me. They wanted to make sure that the alienation had the best chance of success. Yes, I am being sarcastic….

I was only cleared by Adv. Linda le Roux on 17 August 2016 to go ahead and contact my son and arrange visitation with him. This was only done after I – again – marched into their offices and confronted them. This time, someone actually usefull assisted me and saw to it that the nonsense ended right there and then.

See what happened here?

From 29 November 2015 to 17 August 2016, I heard nothing from the SAPS Child Protection Services. Nothing. They did not contact me once. They didn’t take a statement from me. Nothing. I was the one who marched into their offices in March 2016 and also in August 2016 to confront them. Now, let me tell you what would have happened if I didn’t confront them. They would never have contacted me, like they promised to do. The file would have been thrown into a corner where it would have gathered dust. The best interest of the child is the last thing on their minds. They simply bought into Evil Anne’s passionate claims and turned into idiotic and feelingless robots who supported her every step of the way in her evil agenda to alienate father and son from each other.

Ok, lets end this on a good note … at least I was now cleared to see my son.

It seemed our nightmare was at an end and Evil Anne was going to pay for her actions.

Little did I know what a long, hard and costly struggle it was going to be to see that justice would be done for Sam and I.

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I see you.

I have never been someone who saw people based on the colour of their skin. Even as a child growing up in Despatch, South Africa, there were some people who I associated myself with and others I would rather avoid. These were white people, like me. I grew up during the height of Apartheid. We were victimised if we dared to side with black people. In a place like Despatch, with a high percentage of blue collar workers, racism reigned supreme. The last thing you wanted to be branded as, was being a “kaffir-boetie.” Loosely translated, it means a white person who loves or sides with black people. It was a very good idea – for your own survival – to either keep your silence and turn a blind eye … or to go with the flow. You also had no option, but to do army duty and fight on the border for the country. Either that, or go to jail. We had those two options available to us as young, white men in South Africa.

Apartheid wasn’t only bad for non-whites, to be brutally honest.

It is easy for a certain mentality to play the victim, isn’t it? It is so easy to generalise and paint all white people with the same brush. That’s evident of a low character mentality. Good character people flourish and prosper despite the circumstances they are dealt with. You can never oppress people of a certain character. They will flourish, prosper and find a way in any circumstance. Playing the victim is for low character people who cannot make it in the real world. This is not a race war … it is a war between good character and low character personality types. It is a war between dignified, well behaved people and common criminals who are always looking for any reason to behave in a criminal manner.

The moment I hear someone play the race card, that person immediately gets reduced to idiot status in my mind. I cannot even acknowledge someone like that from that moment forward. They simply get reduced to junk status in my mind … not worthy to be acknowledged in any way. A person with a good character will never play the race card. A person with a good character will flourish under ANY circumstances and despite the circumstances. Everyone will respect someone like that, no matter what colour his/her skin is. Doors will open (as if by magic) for that person. People of all races will support and identify with a person like that. A person with low character will look to play the race card at every opportunity. They suffer from the “them and us” mentality. They will play the victim, riot, loot and be the criminals they are … because that’s exactly what they are … low character criminals.

See, the general mentality is that people with the same skin colour belong together and are the same. I don’t quite see it that way. I see the person. I see their behaviour. I see their character. As is the case with people of any skin colour, there are the good ones and also the bad ones. I have experienced some very unsavoury white people in my life. We have the same skin colour, but I would not be associated with them in any way. We are as different as different can be. Same skin colour … different values … different character … different human beings. It offends me to be considered in the same breath as these people. I have family members, whom I don’t even associate myself with by virtue of their low character and tendency to behave in an unacceptable manner.

We have the same skin colour.

I don’t see you. We are not the same.

Then, of course, there are the beautiful, kind and compassionate white people. These people have a strong, disciplined character and integrity. They live life in a harmonious and beautiful fashion … always ready to help anybody in need. These people are not Bible pushers. They are simply warm, kind and loving for no reason (with no paybacks) at all. They do not see skin colour and will treat even the poorest person with kindness and respect. These are my people. When I meet people like these, I feel more at home with them than with some members of my own family.

We have the same character.

I see you. We are the same.

Growing up, the general mentality was that if you were seen as one of a group, you were safe. If you went to another school, lived in another town or had a different skin colour, you were looked at with a different eye. You were not seen as part of the same group. So, they generalised society … always the “them and us” mentality. The same goes for the religion you were born into. We were constantly being separated into opposing groups. Instead of raising us all with common love, respect and compassion, they divide us into opposing groups from very early on.

Ever noticed how a toddler does not understand or care about race, social status or religion? A toddler will either enjoy your company based on your behaviour or he/she will avoid you based on your behaviour. Behaviour is the key word. They will either feel safe with you … or display angst in your presence. Why would that be? Skin colour does not feature for them. They see only the person. They see only behaviour and character. Some of us never lost the ability to see people in that way when we became adults. That’s extactly how I see the world and all living beings I share it with. I see people like a toddler does. Race or skin colour doesn’t matter to me. I see only behaviour and character. There are many others like me … from all races and skin tones.

We have the same character.

I see you. We are the same.

The “them and us” mentality was especially problematic in my youth as far as skin colour was concerned. People were being judged purely based upon their skin colour. I found this problematic, because it was obviously a very superficial way to look at people. Just because someone was white, it didn’t mean he/she was a better person than someone with another skin colour. A far better and more meaningful way to either associate yourself with someone or distance yourself from someone, was to simply see their behaviour and character.

The honest truth is that I feel more safe and at home with many people of varied skin colours than my own. These are people who share the same values as I do. The moment people take out their alcohol, I am already feeling uneasy. The moment they refer to other races in a generalised derogatory manner, I begin to feel extremely out of place. The moment they assume I am one of them and share their low values (simply based on my skin colour), I am already looking for ways to leave as quickly as possible.

If you behave the same as me, we are the same.

If you display the same character as me, we are the same.

If you have the same values as me, we are the same.

Your skin colour doesn’t matter to me. Your behaviour and character does.

Simple.

It is a huge mistake to assume that I am one of you simply because we share the same skin colour. I am only one of you, if we share the same behaviour and character … no matter what skin colour we respectively have.

This is how intelligent beings should be thinking. The “them and us” mentality is for stupid people. The riots and criminal behaviour you are witnessing right now accross this planet is not about race. It is about stupid people, who are used to playing the victim and race card. They are opportunistic criminals. Solid idiots with very low characters and no integrity. These idiots are simply looking for any opportunity to be the criminals they are. I cannot associate myself with their mentality or character.

We don’t have the same values and character.

I don’t see you. We are not the same.

I do not associate myself with alcohol abuse. I do not associate myself with the use of drugs. I do not associate myself with late night, drunken parties … strip clubs … paying for sex. I do not associate myself with judgemental people. I do not associate myself with the senseless and superficial existence of most people. You know, those idiots who thinks nothing of throwing tantrums in public? Village idiots, they are. No matter what skin colour you have … if this is what you are into, we are not of the same type.

I don’t see you. We are not the same.

When I date someone, I am open, transparent and faithful. If I feel the need to see or interact with anyone else, I would rather end the relationship. I cannot look someone in the eye and know that I am being deceitful to her. I recently dated someone, whom was simply not like me. Cheating, lies and deceit came naturally to her. For her, it was a normal lifestyle. Openly staring after men (and their crotches) in public – even while at my side – was common for her. I saw right through her and cannot associate myself with her character.

She is white … I am white.

I don’t see you . We are not the same.

I identify myself with the clean living of Muslim people. The beauty and purity of Muslim existence resonates with me. These people do not just talk the religious talk … they live what their mouths speak. They don’t drink alcohol. They don’t smoke. They are warm, kind, peaceful and loving. I could just as well have been a Muslim, because we share the same values. The one thing that particularly struck me, is that I believe my body is my temple. Therefore, you cannot be religious and overweight. The two contradict each other. The Muslims share this point of view. I have huge respect for that.

Muslims are mostly non-white … I am white.

I see you. We are the same.

I was astounded by the beautiful, simple and basic existence of the Thai people when I visited Thailand in 2018. Around every corner, you will see little shrines with daily fresh offerings. The beautiful thing is that nobody steals the food and drinks other people had placed there. In Thailand, you won’t ever go hungry. They are a caring and sharing nation. “Saving face” is a huge thing for the Thai people … in other words, their behaviour will always be friendly, dignified and socially acceptable. I share these values with the Thai people.

We have different skin colours.

I see you. We are the same.

I always wondered why I naturally was so drawn to the Indian culture. I am a huge supporter of the Indian cricket team, by the way. People like Sachin Tendulkar, Virat Kohli and Rohit Sharma are my biggest idols. On the Sri Lankan side, Kumar Sangakkara is one of my all time favourite cricketers. Why do I admire these people so much? Definitely not only because they are wonderful cricketers … nope … they display a good character, humility and integrity that I identify with. They are beautiful people inside and out. I admire them for the people they are … and I identify myself with them.

We have different skin colours.

I see you. We are the same.

Now compare their behaviour to those of Australian cricketers. See the point? The majority of Ausies are white, yet I cannot indentify myself with their behaviour … who they are … the thuggery … the sledging. My general opinion (until recently) was that the Ausie cricketers belonged in a bar or club … not on a cricket field, playing a beautiful game. Their behaviour was a disgrace. I can only think what type of humans they are off the field if they behave like they do on the field. In short, my opinion of them are that they are low character thugs … and any game they participate in, is unpleasant to watch. They are getting a bit better after recent events, I must admit. Good on you, mates.

We have the same skin colour.

I do not see you. We are not the same.

Buddhism is probably the lifestyle I admire and identify myself with most. The purity and simple manner in which they approach life, appeals to me in a big way. They live by the priciples of Karma … as I do. These people are peaceful, kind, warm and loving. They lead a meaningful life of true substance and integrity. They live in harmony with their bodies, other life forms and nature. They do not hate, hold grudges or indulge in socially unacceptable behaviour. These are my kind of people. This is what being human is all about.

We have different skin colours.

I see you. We are the same.

Some of my dearest and closest friends in South Africa are black. They are upstanding and honourable people. They share the same values as I do. They are good and kind Christian people. They are not the kind to participate in riots and looting. They do not drink and smoke. They express themselves through their achievements both academically and professionally. On top of this, their general behaviour displays character and compliments their black heritage. They do not play the race card. They do not see themselves as victims. These are my brothers and sisters.

We have different skin colours.

I see you. We are the same.

I identify with anyone who lives in peace, harmony and love. People with sober habits who lead a constructive and dignified living … no matter how poor they are. People whom don’t suffer from the “them and us” mentality. People who don’t see skin colour, but rather feel at home with anyone displaying the same character and behaviour as they do. These are my kind of people. Most of these are not people of the same skin colour as me … but I identify with them. I feel safe and comfortable in their presence. They are the same type as I am.

I see you.

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The alienation of my son, Sam (#004)

For a while, things were really going well while Evil Anne was dating this new guy. Let’s call him Jack. He truly had a good, calming and rational influence on her. I was allowed to see my son much more than what was stipulated in the agreement. My access to my son was no longer blocked and she allowed him to come to me whenever he felt like it … and more. As I said before, this guy was such a good influence on her, that I begged her to never leave him. I rather encouraged her to try her utmost to marry him. For a while there, Evil Anne actually appeared reasonably sane and normal.

The one problem that surfaced, was that my son never wanted to go back to Evil Anne. He always clung to me and screamed and pleaded not to go to her. It was truly heart wrenching. I had to physically tear him away from me while he screamed hysterically. I had to walk away while he pleaded after me not to go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. My heart broke with each exchange from me to her. Sam was making it clear where he wanted to be. I was the parent who didn’t take him to movies, malls or restaurants, yet he preferred to be with me. Evil Anne bought him very expensive toys … and I bought him only cheap and basic toys. Still, he wanted to be with me. Tells a story, doesn’t it?

On 29 April 2013, Evil Anne and her boyfriend were loudly confronted by his estranged wife in a restaurant. The woman shouted at the top of her voice that Evil Anne was the “whore who stole her husband away from her.” The confrontation was loud and everyone in the restaurant had no choice, but to hear what was happening. The intent was obviously to embarrass Evil Anne in public. The problem for me, was that my little boy was exposed to all of this. I wasn’t there myself, but Evil Anne confided in me that my son burst out into tears as a result of the confrontation. She was totally oblivious to the fact that the choices she had made, was the reason why my son was exposed to nasty situations like these. Instead, she tried to paint her boyfriend’s estranged wife with a negative brush. I was very disturbed by this. Just like Evil Anne regularly did with her other two children, she was also exposing my little boy to very unpleasant, harmful and unacceptable situations.

Over the next year or so, I approached numerous professional people to assist me, because I was truly worried about Sam’s wellbeing. I felt he had to be placed under my permanent care as a matter of urgency. All of them agreed with me … but there was one little spanner in the works. They wanted money – and a lot of it – to fight for our cause. To be honest, I wasn’t doing that well financially at the time. Lots of extra money for a legal battle, was not something I could afford at that time.

I realised at that stage that the government departments were a hopeless cause. Every family law practioner also told me so. There was general consensus that the government systems were a waste of time. The advice was that the only way to get my son under my permanent care, was to have a little fortune available for legal costs and to approach the High Court … not the magistrate’s court.

I was sick with frustration. Everyone could see that my son should be taken away from Evil Anne, but nobody was going to lift a finger before they were paid lots of cash. Sick situation, indeed. Everything revolved around money … not about the best interest of the child. The best interest of the child is a myth in South African law. The best interest of the child will only be looked at when you have sufficient money to pay for legal fees.

Sick … very sick.

Yet, you will hear all these clowns – specially the government employees – repeating the following like parrots:

“It is all about the best interest of the child.”

Yes, these clowns get paid a salary … for not looking after the best interest of the child.

I lost respect for the goverment employees and the government systems very quickly.

The truth is: no money … no best interest of the child.

This is the simple, raw and horrible truth.

So, there I was … realising that my son had to be taken away from this woman. He needed to be placed under my permanent care. Everyone agreed with that. Yet, I simply could not start the legal process without a small fortune to pay for all the competent professionals. Just to repeat, in case you missed the point: the government officials do not fall under the competent person umbrella….

The one good thing about the situation, was that Evil Anne’s boyfriend brought sanity and a balance into the mix. He really was a very good and stable chap. What he saw in Evil Anne, I will never understand. Well, I also fell into that trap, didn’t I? So did many other professional and upstanding men.

During 2014, I took 247 photos … received 93 voice messages from Evil Anne (and my son) … and I also recorded 27 videos. All of these reflects how happy my son, Sam, was when under my care. He adored me as father. Every one of the photos, voice messages and videos reveals that he was happy and content and in his element when he was with me. He also adored my daughter, Little Jay. The voice messages also reveals how good the relationship between Evil Anne and myself was at that time. This was due to the good influence her boyfriend had on her. She also stated in numerous voice messages what a good father I was for Sam. Evil Anne was sharing a house with Jack and his six children. She had three children of her own….

I was very concerned when I learnt that Evil Anne had physically attacked her boyfriend. She openly told me about it. I could see cracks developing in their relationship … and it truly concerned me. I knew chaos, insane and irrational behaviour would erupt if they should break up. I feared that day. I pleaded with her to please make her relationship with him work. Yet, I could see things were going south very quickly. She would move out … once to a guest house, where she stayed for a month. Jack – the poor sucker – had to pay of course. Evil Anne doesn’t come cheap, let me tell you. She knows how to spend unfortunate men’s money. She will find a way to spend your money, guaranteed.

At the start of 2015, I didn’t know that our lives would be totally destroyed at the end of that year. It was going to be the worst time of my life. I didn’t know it yet. There was no warning of what was to come. I knew when Evil Anne and her boyfriend finally broke up and she moved into her own townhouse (at his expense, of course), that I could expect chaos and irrational behaviour. The person who had kept her sane and rational, was gone….

I was very concerned.

What was very concerning, was that my little boy would plead with me not to go to his mother the minute I picked him up from the creche (daycare centre). He was four years old at the time. The moment he saw me walk in, he would drop everything, run to me and jump into my arms in wild excitement. When we got into the car, the first thing he would say is: “Please, I don’t want to go to mamma. I want to stay most with you.”

These comments were extremely concerning and disturbing.

This happened day after day … no matter how hard I tried to bribe him to go to his mother.

I knew something had to give.

Sam was also making disturbing comments about his older brother (Evil Anne’s other son). This particular boy raised my concerns long before that. I had previously witnessed him making sexual advances at another young child, while Evil Anne still shared my house with me. I informed the government authorities (you know … the incompetent ones) about this at some stage in 2012. I was very concerned, but I didn’t have any concrete evidence. I also didn’t want to approach Evil Anne to inform her about the comments Sam was making. Her natural reaction would be to go crazy if anybody made a negative comment about her children. She was not someone you could rationally talk to … specially not where her children were involved.

During that time, Evil Anne sent various voice messages to me in which she commented that my son never wanted to go back to her when he was with me. I have kept these voice messages on record. It really didn’t sit well with her that Sam preferred me over her. I could see trouble brewing from a distance. She was never going to sit back and allow my son to reject her, because he preferred to be with me. I knew that. I knew she was going to do something. I just didn’t know what. I could see it in her behaviour, which got progressively worse as the year drew to a close.

In her sneaky way, Evil Anne twice ambushed me into joining her for supper, under the pretence that I had to pick Sam up from a restaurant. I witnessed then how she coached Sam to make nasty comments about her ex boyfriend. This really disturbed me in a big way. My boy didn’t know what he was saying. He was basically only saying what she wanted him to say. The manner in which she rewarded and thanked him for doing so, was extremely disturbing. I looked on in shocked silence.

On 12 April 2015, I recorded a video in which I tried to get Sam to say hello to his mother … he buntly refused.

On 12 July 2015, I again attempted to get Sam to send a pleasant little video to his mother, upon her request, but he responded by saying on camera. “I don’t love you, mamma.” I told him not to be like that to his mother. I felt sad for her, because he was openly rejecting her. It was clear that Sam was not happy to be with her and her constant chaos.

In the last three months before she played her evil card, we spoke less and less. Our conversations became very business like … and we spoke only when it was necessary. I was gearing up to launch legal action to take my son away from her. She could see in my cold and distant body language that things had changed. I could not pretend. She felt very threatened by my business like attitude. In return, she became more aggressive and her behaviour became increasingly problematic. We both knew something was about to give very soon. It became a question of who was going to punch first. There was tension in the air.

What I didn’t know at that time, was that she was making plans to relocate to Cape Town. Of course, she knew I would resist if I learned about her plans. I would not have allowed my little boy to move away with her. She knew that very well. I was unaware that she she was beginning to put evil plans together based on her past experiences … alienation of parent from child. Remember, up to that point, she already had two experiences involving parent/child alienation. Both were extremely effective. Her father and stepmother were her mentors in this regard. They taught her very well. She drew from her past while she was dreaming up her evil plan.

Evil Anne was so absorbed in her plans to move away from Port Elizabeth that it became a regular occurrence that she simply forgot to pack Sam’s bags (as she always did) on the days I had to pick him up. It was as if I wasn’t even featuring as a father in her mind anymore. This became seriously conerning for me. I could see something was up. I could see she was planning something. It was so blatantly obvious. I just didn’t know what.

Remember, at that stage I knew nothing about her plans to move away from Port Elizabeth. I suspected something was up, based on her behaviour … but I simply didn’t know what.

Even I would not have predicted what she was about to do….

At the beginning of October 2015, Evil Anne suddenly stopped sending me voice messages. The communcation between us simply dried up. Up to that stage, she used to send me an average of sixteen voice messages per month (all in my possession). This suddenly stopped at the start of October 2015 … for no apparant reason. She also forgot more and more that we had made arrangements for me to pick up Sam. Her behaviour became very irrational. Arrangements I made with her today relating to picking Sam up, was completely forgotten by the following morning. I became seriously concerned….

On 23 October 2015, Evil Anne made a Facebook post stating that trouble was brewing.

Up to that point, I had gathered 148 photos … 147 voice messages and 52 videos (all recorded within 2015) reflecting a very happy Sam … and also reflecting that Evil Anne had no issues with me as father, other than being concerned that Sam preferred me over her. In addition to the above media, I also have record of numerous texting and email messages between us … none of which revealed any issues between us.

On 25 October 2015, while Sam was still happily with me, Evil Anne made two other curious Facebook posts revealing that she was preparing for a fight or difficulties. I was only going to discover them later. On that same day, Sam was playing naked around the pool. As soon as we got clothes onto him, he would take them off, preferring to play around naked. Late in the afternoon, he told us that he had hurt his penis. We saw a little chafe mark on the base where he hurt himself. I assumed it happened while laying naked on the brick paving, playing with his hands in the pool. He asked that I put a plaster on, which I did … and that was that as far as I was concerned. Very innocent.

Fate had other ideas.

That little injury played perfectly into Evil Anne’s hands.

Thinking back, I can only shake my head in amazement, because it was as if the Universe had orchestrated everything to happen in the way it did. Remember, she was already actively planning to move to Cape Town. Her business was up for sale and was sold soon thereafter. I just didn’t know about it. This was why she constantly forgot about the arrangements we made relating to the exchange of Sam. In her mind, they were moving away and I didn’t feature in his life anymore. Over that weekend, her Facebook posts made it clear that she was expecting a battle. She knew she was moving away from Port Elizabeth … and she knew I would fight to keep Sam from moving away.

That little chafe gave her the perfect ace to play.

Remember how her father and stepmother had alienated her from her mother?

Remember how she had coached her other two children to make sexual molestation accusations against her second husband to alienate them from each other?

Yip, Evil Anne was at it again.

The Universe simply gave her the rope to hang herself … to the detriment of my little boy.

The timing was brutally perfect.

On the morning of 26 October 2015, I dropped my little boy at the daycare centre. I didn’t know it then, but that was the last time I would see him for a very long time.

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