The horrible N-word


Negativity is a very destructive force that can control your life and hold you captive in it’s unforgiving claws. It comes in many shapes and sizes. I am always amazed to see how people indulge in negativity without even realizing what they are doing. What they also do not realize is that they draw in more negativity to themselves simply by participating in negativity … knowingly or unknowingly.

Every word you say will have an influence on your future. The same goes for every thought, feeling and action. By saying, thinking, feeling and doing negative things, you will draw in more negativity to you … guaranteed. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will come as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.

You create your own tomorrow. How about creating it the best that you are able to? If you know you have the power within yourself to create a positive and happy future, then you will also know to avoid negativity. Negativity can never give you a positive and happy tomorrow. Success breeds success, just like positivity breeds positivity … and also negativity breeds negativity. Life is very simple and predictable (mostly).

The basic action to take, is to avoid saying anything negative … think anything negative … feel anything negative … or do anything negative. It is harder than you think, but with a lot of practice and conscious effort, you will master the art of only saying, thinking, feeling and doing positive things. It takes time, let me assure you, but once you have mastered it, you are good to go. It will become second nature to you. You will be so attuned to positive living that you will be horrified when anybody says anything negative in your presence.

You might think, “yes, but I got a reason to feel angry or hate someone.” Yes indeed, we all can find a reason to be angry or hate someone. By doing so, you are actually becoming the victim of that person. Anger and hate will consume you and drown you in an unhappy downward spiral. It will make you miserable and cannot bring you any satisfaction or success. You will only end up with a lot of resentment and unhappiness if anger and hate is your driving force.

I have all the reason to be angry and to hate the mother of my son for going all out to alienate us from each other. You know what? I don’t hate her. I am not angry. She will answer to the Universe when the time is right. Her evil and negative actions will not go unpunished. I don’t even waste a thought on her. I chose to simply make use of the situation to better myself in every possible way. To grow as a person. To become very successful in my career. To tie up all the loose ends. To live a healthy lifestyle and be the best version of myself every single day. She hoped I would crumble and go to waste due to her actions, instead I chose to do exactly the opposite. I have risen up and became stronger and better in every possible way. So, I have used a very negative situation and turned it into a very positive one. That’s the way to do it.

It takes extraordinary mind power, I know. But that is something we can all learn and develop. The point is that I am only feeling good feelings. I am only thinking good thoughts. I don’t wish the mother of my child any ill harm, no matter how evil her deeds were. I trust the processes and the laws of the Universe. It is not my place to feel anger and hatred. The Universal laws regulates us all. It is an unfeeling and unforgiving energy that gives back exactly what you give out … so best make sure that you only give out positivity and goodness. Only positive deeds, thoughts, feelings and words, no matter what the circumstances are. By doing so, I am getting better in every way, instead of going downhill fast. Those indulging in negativity, can only get the same negativity back. This is a simple universal law.

If I could learn to feel no anger or hate, so can you.

Feeling anger or hate, means that the other person controls you. They are in charge. Nothing good can come from that. Rather learn to accept what has happened and use the situation to better yourself in every way. You cannot control what has already happened yesterday or in the past. Make peace with it and deal with it in a positive manner. You can control – to a large degree – what will happen today, tomorrow or in the future. Make sure the outcome will be positive.

Never watch negative videos of people fighting or arguing. Don’t open it. Don’t watch it. Let them drown in their own negativity. Dont give their negativity more life by giving it your attention, time and energy. By embracing and indulging in negativity, you will simply draw in more of the same to you. Just don’t do it, period. I get very annoyed when I casually scroll through Facebook and am confronted with negative videos. For one, I cannot understand why people would post such sensationalistic and sadistic rubbish and, secondly, I cannot fathom why I am not given the option to avoid these videos by Facebook (or be protected against them). I never watch those. I scroll by very quickly and avoid them like the plague. The people who are guilty of posting such videos are indulging in negativity and will simply draw the same into their lives.

The same goes for offensive posts or posts complaining about bad service – or whatever – on social media. Simply don’t respond to them. Unfriend the person, if it is a regular occurrence. I know people who regularly gets involved in arguments and debates on social media about race, politics, religion or some other hot topic. Why would you do that? What you resist, persist. Simply scroll by and don’t make any comments. The only possible end result would be that you will feel angry, unhappy and your day or week gets spoiled. Rather use your energy on something positive and beautiful, than get involved in debates and arguments with idiots.

Just don’t do it.

Walk away from any negative situation. You don’t have to prove you are right. You don’t have to witness anything negative. Don’t stop at accident scenes, because you are a sensationalist person who thrives upon the drama and destruction of the situation. Don’t even look that way. Just drive by, wish them well and keep going. What good will it bring you to drink in exactly what happened, how and to whom. Feeding of such negativity can never have a positive outcome for you.

Look away and walk away … away from any negativity.

Do not associate yourself with people whom are always playing the victim … always complaining about their jobs, bad service or the behaviour of others. I will throw up in the presence of such a person. I will never go back to visit that person. Someone like that, sees only the negative and will only draw in more of the same. I do not want to be associated with that type of negative energy. Those are what we call energy vampires.

Above all, don’t use social media to voice negative feelings about a situation or another person. Apart from such behaviour being in very bad taste, it is also a very negative and destructive behaviour. It is annoying and irritating to everyone else and will draw in negativity towards you. Did I say it is also in very bad taste? Yes, indeed. You are better than that….

How you should deal with any negative situation, is to accept that it happened … and then to understand that it happened for a reason. Use the experience in a positive and constructive manner, not in a negative and destructive manner. Use such situations to come out a better version of yourself on the other side. Recognise the opportunity for growth and positive change and go for it.

Never worry or feel unhappy with what little you have or when you feel you are behind some people on your life’s journey. Understand that we all go at our own pace and have completely different circumstances and challenges. Recognise that some had a headstart and others were not so lucky. Rather be thankful for what little you do have, even if it is just to be grateful that you are alive. Focus on the positivity, always. There is always a positive in any situation.

Watch out which words you use. Never use words like “I can’t.” There is a cool saying going around, which reads something like, “whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you are right.” Get the message? If you are negative and believe you can’t, you are right … you won’t achieve whatever your dream is. So, rather believe you can and go for it … because, indeed, you CAN. The only requirement is a positive mindset and the drive and discipline to go for whatever you want.

I am a strong believer that many mental sicknesses can be avoided, improved or cured simply by adopting a positve attitude to everything in life. Who will not get depressed when they always see the negative in everything? It really is so basic. If you learn to always see the postive and always feel happy, there really would be no trigger for depression. I know it is easier said, than done … but you will do yourself a lot of favours by simply choosing to always be positive and happy, no matter what the circumstances are.

I am not saying bad things won’t happen to you. What I am telling you, is to always see the positive in everything. Always find a reason why any negative situation had to happen to make things better in the long run. I am a strong believer in the saying, “when one door closes, a better door (or doors) will open,” provided you are positive about the situation. This has certainly always been the case in my life. When I lose one client or friend, I have learnt to feel rejoiced and happy, because I knew then that more and better clients or friends will come my way, if I remain positive. It always happened like that. The best part is that the clients or friends I lost always came back to me in the end too. By then, I have mostly outgrown them, but you get the point.

Relationships are one area in which you must learn to always know that the right ones will stay and the wrong ones will go. Don’t hang on to them, when they want to go. Let them go. Don’t feel rejected when someone rejects you. That is the best thing that could have happened. You will look back someday and say, “I am so happy it didn’t work out with that person,” or “what on earth did I ever see in that person?” Be glad when someone rejects you, because they are saving you from much drama and heartache by rejecting you now rather than later. Don’t long for someone that doesn’t want you. That is really silly, by the way. Love is a two-way street … never a one-way street.

Negativity is so much more than just your words and feelings. Try considering your actions. Actions are probably the most destructive negative force in your life. How? Everything you do can either be negative or positive. Just think about it. Eating crappy foods are negative. Not leading a healthy lifestyle is negative. Smoking and drinking is negative and destructive. Associating with the wrong people are negative. Messing with people’s emotions is a negative action. Having affairs with married people, are very negative. By indulging in negative behaviour, you are only drawing more of the same into your life. Pure and simple.

This is some deep, stuff, isn’t it? Yip, I amaze even myself sometimes.

Let me tell you how annoyingly positive, forgiving and devoid of negative feelings I am. Remember I told you about the mother of my son, whom alienated us from each other? I learnt to be so positive – and accepting of every situation – that I found myself greeting her in a friendly manner when I came face to face with her later on. Only after I greeted her, did I realise that I was actually friendly with a monster of a person. For a moment, I felt annoyed in myself and almost scolded myself … but then I realised how beautifully illustrative that moment was of how I had learnt to shrug of any feelings of hate or anger.

Dont just say it. Live it.

I am not saying that this stuff is easy to learn and embrace. If you are committed to embrace only positivity, you will develop the skill of positive living. Your life will become quite magical then. You will simply move on a different frequency than people who embrace negativity. Everywhere you go, you will seem to avoid negative people and situations. You simply won’t be at the same place, at the same time. You are not on the same frequency and you will repel each other … so you will never be in the same space at the same time. As the saying goes, “you attract what you are.”

The last thing you should do when you experience a few bad months, is to complain how bad it is and how down and out you are. The moment you utter those words, you will draw in more of the same. Don’t complain about how bad things are, even though they actually are. Always smile and be happy, despite the circumstances. Never say one bad word or feel one negative feeling. Know, that things will change around and become better, as if by magic. Your job is to simply feel positive and know better things are to come, despite how bad the current circumstances are. Use that time to improve your skills, knowledge or appearance. You will prosper better than ever before when the “drought” ends, if you simply hang in there with a positive mindset.

When you are at your lowest, you should be the most positive and the most dedicated to bettering yourself in every way. You should discover yourself on a level you didn’t know existed before. It is there. Discover that side of yourself. When things get better, you should then always embrace the lessons you’ve learnt when things were at their toughest. Always hang on to those feelings and attitude, no matter how good life is for you. By doing that, you will draw in more of the good life to you.

Don’t lie, cheat, abuse and steal. These are very destructive negative actions that will simply draw in more of the same to you. As I said before, negative actions are even more powerful than negative words, thoughts and feelings. Always do good and positive things with true integrity, no matter if nobody is watching. In fact, it is when nobody is watching that you will be sending out the strongest positive vibes to the Universe, by doing the right things in the right way. That’s true integrity right there. That is the highest form of good vibes or positivity you can ever send out to the Universe.

Arguments are for fools. Acting out is for emotionally immature people. Screaming, shouting, throwing things, sending nasty messages, slamming doors, etc are the actions of underdeveloped people. I cannot understand it. I cannot participate in it and I cannot tolerate the same. People who know me, know that you will get reduced to idiot status in my mind the moment you argue or act out in my presence. I will not retaliate, for one … and secondly, I will walk away and never come back. I won’t even be able to acknowledge or look at someone like that for a few days after the event. I have zero understanding for emotionally immature and undignified behaviour, period. Behaviour such as this is as negative and distasteful as they come. Apart from that, it says something about a person’s level of development. I simply cannot be associated with such behaviour, full stop.

Go figure why I am single….

Be a serene, dignified and clean being. See the beauty in everything. Believe everything happens for a reason. Be emotionally mature and dignified in behaviour. Be happy and positive even during the worst possible circumstances. Don’t complain about anything. Don’t say how bad things are. Don’t complain on social media about anything or anyone. If people wrong you, simply walk away and deal with the situation in private. Don’t be a vindictive person. Don’t hate. Don’t feel anger. Don’t be out to destroy someone, because you will only end up destroying yourself. The best and most powerful response to anybody who have wronged you, is to simply turn your back, walk away and cut them from your life.

That’s some powerful shit, right there.

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Published by Gerhard J. Loots

I am currently completing my Bachelor of Architectural Studies through Nelson Mandela University. I am the published author of Stuttering Joe - Part 1 (Growing up in Sunny Valley). I have also recently launched my blog, called Stuttering Joe, which is based on my true life experiences, personal growth and adventures.

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