The alienation of my son, Sam (#004)


For a while, things were really going well while Evil Anne was dating this new guy. Let’s call him Jack. He truly had a good, calming and rational influence on her. I was allowed to see my son much more than what was stipulated in the agreement. My access to my son was no longer blocked and she allowed him to come to me whenever he felt like it … and more. As I said before, this guy was such a good influence on her, that I begged her to never leave him. I rather encouraged her to try her utmost to marry him. For a while there, Evil Anne actually appeared reasonably sane and normal.

The one problem that surfaced, was that my son never wanted to go back to Evil Anne. He always clung to me and screamed and pleaded not to go to her. It was truly heart wrenching. I had to physically tear him away from me while he screamed hysterically. I had to walk away while he pleaded after me not to go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. My heart broke with each exchange from me to her. Sam was making it clear where he wanted to be. I was the parent who didn’t take him to movies, malls or restaurants, yet he preferred to be with me. Evil Anne bought him very expensive toys … and I bought him only cheap and basic toys. Still, he wanted to be with me. Tells a story, doesn’t it?

On 29 April 2013, Evil Anne and her boyfriend were loudly confronted by his estranged wife in a restaurant. The woman shouted at the top of her voice that Evil Anne was the “whore who stole her husband away from her.” The confrontation was loud and everyone in the restaurant had no choice, but to hear what was happening. The intent was obviously to embarrass Evil Anne in public. The problem for me, was that my little boy was exposed to all of this. I wasn’t there myself, but Evil Anne confided in me that my son burst out into tears as a result of the confrontation. She was totally oblivious to the fact that the choices she had made, was the reason why my son was exposed to nasty situations like these. Instead, she tried to paint her boyfriend’s estranged wife with a negative brush. I was very disturbed by this. Just like Evil Anne regularly did with her other two children, she was also exposing my little boy to very unpleasant, harmful and unacceptable situations.

Over the next year or so, I approached numerous professional people to assist me, because I was truly worried about Sam’s wellbeing. I felt he had to be placed under my permanent care as a matter of urgency. All of them agreed with me … but there was one little spanner in the works. They wanted money – and a lot of it – to fight for our cause. To be honest, I wasn’t doing that well financially at the time. Lots of extra money for a legal battle, was not something I could afford at that time.

I realised at that stage that the government departments were a hopeless cause. Every family law practioner also told me so. There was general consensus that the government systems were a waste of time. The advice was that the only way to get my son under my permanent care, was to have a little fortune available for legal costs and to approach the High Court … not the magistrate’s court.

I was sick with frustration. Everyone could see that my son should be taken away from Evil Anne, but nobody was going to lift a finger before they were paid lots of cash. Sick situation, indeed. Everything revolved around money … not about the best interest of the child. The best interest of the child is a myth in South African law. The best interest of the child will only be looked at when you have sufficient money to pay for legal fees.

Sick … very sick.

Yet, you will hear all these clowns – specially the government employees – repeating the following like parrots:

“It is all about the best interest of the child.”

Yes, these clowns get paid a salary … for not looking after the best interest of the child.

I lost respect for the goverment employees and the government systems very quickly.

The truth is: no money … no best interest of the child.

This is the simple, raw and horrible truth.

So, there I was … realising that my son had to be taken away from this woman. He needed to be placed under my permanent care. Everyone agreed with that. Yet, I simply could not start the legal process without a small fortune to pay for all the competent professionals. Just to repeat, in case you missed the point: the government officials do not fall under the competent person umbrella….

The one good thing about the situation, was that Evil Anne’s boyfriend brought sanity and a balance into the mix. He really was a very good and stable chap. What he saw in Evil Anne, I will never understand. Well, I also fell into that trap, didn’t I? So did many other professional and upstanding men.

During 2014, I took 247 photos … received 93 voice messages from Evil Anne (and my son) … and I also recorded 27 videos. All of these reflects how happy my son, Sam, was when under my care. He adored me as father. Every one of the photos, voice messages and videos reveals that he was happy and content and in his element when he was with me. He also adored my daughter, Little Jay. The voice messages also reveals how good the relationship between Evil Anne and myself was at that time. This was due to the good influence her boyfriend had on her. She also stated in numerous voice messages what a good father I was for Sam. Evil Anne was sharing a house with Jack and his six children. She had three children of her own….

I was very concerned when I learnt that Evil Anne had physically attacked her boyfriend. She openly told me about it. I could see cracks developing in their relationship … and it truly concerned me. I knew chaos, insane and irrational behaviour would erupt if they should break up. I feared that day. I pleaded with her to please make her relationship with him work. Yet, I could see things were going south very quickly. She would move out … once to a guest house, where she stayed for a month. Jack – the poor sucker – had to pay of course. Evil Anne doesn’t come cheap, let me tell you. She knows how to spend unfortunate men’s money. She will find a way to spend your money, guaranteed.

At the start of 2015, I didn’t know that our lives would be totally destroyed at the end of that year. It was going to be the worst time of my life. I didn’t know it yet. There was no warning of what was to come. I knew when Evil Anne and her boyfriend finally broke up and she moved into her own townhouse (at his expense, of course), that I could expect chaos and irrational behaviour. The person who had kept her sane and rational, was gone….

I was very concerned.

What was very concerning, was that my little boy would plead with me not to go to his mother the minute I picked him up from the creche (daycare centre). He was four years old at the time. The moment he saw me walk in, he would drop everything, run to me and jump into my arms in wild excitement. When we got into the car, the first thing he would say is: “Please, I don’t want to go to mamma. I want to stay most with you.”

These comments were extremely concerning and disturbing.

This happened day after day … no matter how hard I tried to bribe him to go to his mother.

I knew something had to give.

Sam was also making disturbing comments about his older brother (Evil Anne’s other son). This particular boy raised my concerns long before that. I had previously witnessed him making sexual advances at another young child, while Evil Anne still shared my house with me. I informed the government authorities (you know … the incompetent ones) about this at some stage in 2012. I was very concerned, but I didn’t have any concrete evidence. I also didn’t want to approach Evil Anne to inform her about the comments Sam was making. Her natural reaction would be to go crazy if anybody made a negative comment about her children. She was not someone you could rationally talk to … specially not where her children were involved.

During that time, Evil Anne sent various voice messages to me in which she commented that my son never wanted to go back to her when he was with me. I have kept these voice messages on record. It really didn’t sit well with her that Sam preferred me over her. I could see trouble brewing from a distance. She was never going to sit back and allow my son to reject her, because he preferred to be with me. I knew that. I knew she was going to do something. I just didn’t know what. I could see it in her behaviour, which got progressively worse as the year drew to a close.

In her sneaky way, Evil Anne twice ambushed me into joining her for supper, under the pretence that I had to pick Sam up from a restaurant. I witnessed then how she coached Sam to make nasty comments about her ex boyfriend. This really disturbed me in a big way. My boy didn’t know what he was saying. He was basically only saying what she wanted him to say. The manner in which she rewarded and thanked him for doing so, was extremely disturbing. I looked on in shocked silence.

On 12 April 2015, I recorded a video in which I tried to get Sam to say hello to his mother … he buntly refused.

On 12 July 2015, I again attempted to get Sam to send a pleasant little video to his mother, upon her request, but he responded by saying on camera. “I don’t love you, mamma.” I told him not to be like that to his mother. I felt sad for her, because he was openly rejecting her. It was clear that Sam was not happy to be with her and her constant chaos.

In the last three months before she played her evil card, we spoke less and less. Our conversations became very business like … and we spoke only when it was necessary. I was gearing up to launch legal action to take my son away from her. She could see in my cold and distant body language that things had changed. I could not pretend. She felt very threatened by my business like attitude. In return, she became more aggressive and her behaviour became increasingly problematic. We both knew something was about to give very soon. It became a question of who was going to punch first. There was tension in the air.

What I didn’t know at that time, was that she was making plans to relocate to Cape Town. Of course, she knew I would resist if I learned about her plans. I would not have allowed my little boy to move away with her. She knew that very well. I was unaware that she she was beginning to put evil plans together based on her past experiences … alienation of parent from child. Remember, up to that point, she already had two experiences involving parent/child alienation. Both were extremely effective. Her father and stepmother were her mentors in this regard. They taught her very well. She drew from her past while she was dreaming up her evil plan.

Evil Anne was so absorbed in her plans to move away from Port Elizabeth that it became a regular occurrence that she simply forgot to pack Sam’s bags (as she always did) on the days I had to pick him up. It was as if I wasn’t even featuring as a father in her mind anymore. This became seriously conerning for me. I could see something was up. I could see she was planning something. It was so blatantly obvious. I just didn’t know what.

Remember, at that stage I knew nothing about her plans to move away from Port Elizabeth. I suspected something was up, based on her behaviour … but I simply didn’t know what.

Even I would not have predicted what she was about to do….

At the beginning of October 2015, Evil Anne suddenly stopped sending me voice messages. The communcation between us simply dried up. Up to that stage, she used to send me an average of sixteen voice messages per month (all in my possession). This suddenly stopped at the start of October 2015 … for no apparant reason. She also forgot more and more that we had made arrangements for me to pick up Sam. Her behaviour became very irrational. Arrangements I made with her today relating to picking Sam up, was completely forgotten by the following morning. I became seriously concerned….

On 23 October 2015, Evil Anne made a Facebook post stating that trouble was brewing.

Up to that point, I had gathered 148 photos … 147 voice messages and 52 videos (all recorded within 2015) reflecting a very happy Sam … and also reflecting that Evil Anne had no issues with me as father, other than being concerned that Sam preferred me over her. In addition to the above media, I also have record of numerous texting and email messages between us … none of which revealed any issues between us.

On 25 October 2015, while Sam was still happily with me, Evil Anne made two other curious Facebook posts revealing that she was preparing for a fight or difficulties. I was only going to discover them later. On that same day, Sam was playing naked around the pool. As soon as we got clothes onto him, he would take them off, preferring to play around naked. Late in the afternoon, he told us that he had hurt his penis. We saw a little chafe mark on the base where he hurt himself. I assumed it happened while laying naked on the brick paving, playing with his hands in the pool. He asked that I put a plaster on, which I did … and that was that as far as I was concerned. Very innocent.

Fate had other ideas.

That little injury played perfectly into Evil Anne’s hands.

Thinking back, I can only shake my head in amazement, because it was as if the Universe had orchestrated everything to happen in the way it did. Remember, she was already actively planning to move to Cape Town. Her business was up for sale and was sold soon thereafter. I just didn’t know about it. This was why she constantly forgot about the arrangements we made relating to the exchange of Sam. In her mind, they were moving away and I didn’t feature in his life anymore. Over that weekend, her Facebook posts made it clear that she was expecting a battle. She knew she was moving away from Port Elizabeth … and she knew I would fight to keep Sam from moving away.

That little chafe gave her the perfect ace to play.

Remember how her father and stepmother had alienated her from her mother?

Remember how she had coached her other two children to make sexual molestation accusations against her second husband to alienate them from each other?

Yip, Evil Anne was at it again.

The Universe simply gave her the rope to hang herself … to the detriment of my little boy.

The timing was brutally perfect.

On the morning of 26 October 2015, I dropped my little boy at the daycare centre. I didn’t know it then, but that was the last time I would see him for a very long time.

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Published by Gerhard J. Loots

I am currently completing my Bachelor of Architectural Studies through Nelson Mandela University. I am the published author of Stuttering Joe - Part 1 (Growing up in Sunny Valley). I have also recently launched my blog, called Stuttering Joe, which is based on my true life experiences, personal growth and adventures.

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