The alienation of my son, Sam (#001)


The date was 26 March 2010. My daughter and I rented a beautiful four-bedroomed house in a sleepy and peaceful seaside village on the outskirts of Port Elizabeth.

Our situation was beautiful and in control. We were a happy little family of two. I was a very loving father and Little Jay was just a happy child, whom adored her father. She was two months into her final year at school and was looking forward to end her school career on a high.

As perfect as our situation was, there was one thing missing. I longed for a life partner whom I could settle down with and be happy with forever after. I was recently divorced from my ex-wife and we were actually renting her house by the sea. Everything was totally under control. We led a peaceful and happy existence. I was on very good terms with my ex-wife landlord.

But – you see – I made a wish a few months before that … and unfortunately I got exactly what I had wished for. Ever heard of the saying, “be careful what you wish for, you might just get it?” Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.

You see, before all of this, I was married to a woman whom I should not have married in the first place. I was desperately unhappy and unfulfilled. I remember sitting alone in a coffee shop within Walmer Park Shopping Centre one afternoon when a woman walked by whom I vaguely knew. She had dated a very close friend of mine some years before that. I remembered there were stories that she had physically attacked my friend during their relationship, but I assumed there were always two sides to a story … so I didn’t think much of it at that time. It briefly flashed through my mind that she had contacted me via text messages after they had split up. I was totally not interested in her back then … so, I simply didn’t show any interest back and she soon disappeared from the scene … until that very fateful day.

I also vaguely remembered that there were reports that she had thrown a brick through the glazing in the front door of her mother-in-law’s house during her second marriage. At least two newspaper articles were subsequently published about her problematic behaviour … one of which related to the physical attack on an ex employee of hers. I knew all these things … yet, I still stared after her. Shows you were I was in my own growth. I hang my head in shame.

There are already quite enough red flags, right? Indeed….

As she walked by, I remembered thinking, “now thats the type of woman I would like to date.” You see, I didn’t find my wife at that time sexually appealing at all. I was hugely frustrated by that. I wanted to date someone whom I did find sexually appealing. Isn’t that the basis of a good and lasting relationship?

Surely.

While I stared after her, I made a wish for “a woman like that.” I was referring to her physical appearance, which really appealed to me. Now, I don’t know where the wires between me and the Universe got crossed … but the Universe didn’t hear me wish for “someone like that.” The Universe understood that I wanted that exact person.

Thats exactly what I got … that exact same woman.

“Your wish is my command,” said the Universe.

“But, I didn’t….”

“Done deal,” winked the Universe. There must be some clowns with a twisted sense of humour up there.

At the start of 2010, I was looking forward to make the new decade a big one. I was excited and focussed. January and February were great … and then March came and everything went south very quickly from there on. Sounds a lot like 2020, doesn’t it?

On 27 March 2010 my life changed completely when I bumped into Evil Anne.

On 27 March 2020 my life again changed completely when South Africa went into full lockdown due to the Corona virus.

How eerie is that?

In both instances, my life had completely changed on 27 March at the start of a new decade. The difference is that this time it has changed for the better. That my life will take a different course from here on, I have no doubt. My mindset and focus have already changed completely. This virus has changed everything in 2020 … just like Evil Anne had changed everything for us back in 2010. The difference is that the previous decade was a nightmare for me … the current decade will be where all my dreams come true. It is a sense of knowing.

But wait, lets not get too far ahead, yet. Press the rewind button. We are back at the coffee shop somewhere before 2010. At that moment, I just wanted to get out of my marriage with my ex-wife. I had just made a wish for “a woman like that.” Evil Anne was still nowhere in the picture, thankfully so. Our lives were still sane and under control. Everything was going to change. I was totally oblivious of what was to come. If only I didn’t make that wish.

Now let’s fast forward to 26 March 2010.

It was the day before the evil came.

Our lives were normal, loving and peaceful. My daughter and I had a very strong bond. I had won full custody of her in 2005 and – since then – she had blossomed from a dark and unhappy child to a sunny and happy child. Under my care, she had achieved numerous distinctions at school. I raised my daughter with love and respect. Physical punishment was something she didn’t know or had ever experienced. Shouting, screaming, acting out and arguments were foreign to us. We simply were not that type of people. When there was a problem, we discussed it in a mature, rational and dignified manner.

I was the model father … a natural father. Little Jay was the model daughter for me. We treated each other with love and respect. We led an idylic and relaxed lifestyle.

Do you hear the soothing and relaxing music playing in the background?

At this moment, the record playing the soothing music, comes to a screeching halt….

There was a spanner in the works. I had an emptiness in my life. The lack of a life partner. I had so much love and commitment to give to the right person. I longed for that one special person. That was the spanner in the works … the fatal flaw. It is that emptiness and desperate longing which had caused me to invite the wrong people into our lives in the past. It was again going to be the reason why I invited the most horrible person into our lives.

I had just recently parted ways with my ex-wife whose presence in my life had caused Little Jay and I great unhappiness. Our lives had stabilized and became happy again after the divorce … but I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I was about to invite pure evil, chaos and destruction into our peaceful existence.

We went to sleep peacefully and happy the night before the evil came. We had no idea that our lives were about to change dramatically in the worst possible way.

There simply was no warning signs of what was to come … no dark clouds … no explosive storm … nothing.

The day on which the evil came started normally. Little Jay and I were at home just going about our usual business. Everything was peaceful, calm and quiet … the calm before the storm.

Then a text message came through.

“Hey Joe, I am at Walmer Park, having coffee. The wife is shopping. Come join me.”

It was from a good friend of mine whom had moved away from Port Elizabeth a while ago. He informed me that he and his new wife were in Port Elizabeth for a few days and that I must join him for coffee while she does her shopping.

I made sure that Little Jay was happy to stay at home, before I went to the mall to meet my friend. We had a great catch up session and he told me all about his new wife, whom I had never met.

After about two hours of catching up, I was ready to leave. My friend stopped me and requested that I wait a few minutes, because his wife was on her way and he wanted to introduce us. If only I had left….

Oh God, if only I had left.

I did not leave….

It proved to be one of those decisions we make that would either take us away from harm or trouble … or directly towards harm and trouble. I made the wrong decision that day and the consequences would be dire for my daughter and I.

When my friend’s wife arrived, I was shocked to see that the very same woman whom I had made a wish upon some time ago, was walking with her.

Yes, that very same woman.

That’s how Evil Anne walked into my life. That was the day life changed completely for my daughter and I.

I am sad to say that Evil Anne and I hit it off immediately. She was very cute and bubbly. She also had a great body. Her outward appearance and outgoing personality really appealed to me. She seemed so sane, innocent and normal….

I eventually left with a spring in my step and butterflies in my tummy. Evil Anne seemed so perfect for me. Little did I know. I simply ignored all of those red flags….

While I was driving home, there was no Grim Reaper standing next to the road … no black cat ran over the road … no dark clouds were forming … there was no random sign warning me to stay away from Evil Anne. Honestly, I was so desperate to find the love of my life, that I would not have listened to any warnings even if they slapped me in the face. That’s the sad truth. I was that desperate. I was seeing little cupids flying all over the road … and romantic music was playing in my mind. I believed I had met the best thing ever. It turned out to be the worst thing ever.

In actual fact, the Universe did try to warn me.

On the Sunday morning after I had first bumped into Evil Anne, I went for a visit to my mother’s house. One of my brothers and his wife also pitched up. We were chatting about this and that when I remembered that my brother and his wife would probably know Evil Anne. They also had a business in Uitenhage, where she was well known (mostly for all the wrong reasons). I excitedly shared that I had bumped into Evil Anne and that we had a date later that day.

Their horrified reactions astounded me.

“Stay away from that woman. She is bad news!”

I was completely taken aback. I really didn’t want to hear anything bad about Evil Anne.

“If you bring that woman into this family, we will cut all ties with you,” they continued.

I simply could not believe what I was hearing. Here I was on an absolute high and already partly emotionally invested in the idea of Evil Anne and I … and my family were giving me very serious warnings to stay away from her. It really was not what I wanted to hear. They did not elaborate much, but it was clear that they were horrified that I might get involved with this woman.

Again, I had the opportunity to either follow the left fork or the right fork in the road. Again, I chose to stay on the wrong road. You see, this particular brother and his wife were the source of constant trouble and discord in our family. For that reason, I struggled to find any credibility in what they were saying. Had the warning came from another brother of mine, I would really have taken it seriously. In this instance, I convinced myself to take it from whom it came.

This time, I should have listened to them.

I should have listened to them!

I should have fucking listened to them!!

I did NOT.

I was warned.

The decision I was about to make was going to destroy a huge part of my life.

It was also going to destroy our happy little family life.

It almost destroyed Little Jay’s matric year.

I should have listened….!

The alarm bells were ringing loud and clear, but I simply ignored them in my desperation to find the love of my life.

That evening, I went out for dinner with Evil Anne. My brother’s warning was in the back of my mind. I told her about it and asked if she knew why they would feel the way they did. My heart melted when she broke down in tears. She claimed that people had been victimizing her in Uitenhage, because she was a successful business woman. She also claimed that females were jealous of her, because she was single and got a lot of attention from married men. She informed me that she suffered from depression and that she sometimes did and said stupid things. She played the innocent victim card to perfection. She had me eating out her hand. I was completely fooled. She said married men were lusting after her because she was vulnerable and naive … she didn’t invite or encourage their advances.

Little did I know that affairs with married men were her thing … and little did I know that she – in fact – was the guilty party whom cunningly had put out the bait and lured the married men into her trap. When they did get trapped by the web she had spun for them, she quickly changed her role to that of the naive innocent party. As soon as her multiple affairs with married were exposed or didn’t work out, she branded them as adulterous perverts whom chased after her and exploited her innocence and naivity. Every single one of them then became “men whom sexually abused her.” One of them was even accused of raping her. A case was never opened with the police. Telling….

I was totally unaware of all this at that stage. I swallowed her convincing lies hook, line and sinker. She was utterly convincing … a sly and cunning master manipulator.

Then she dropped the bomb that my brother was one of the married men whom were chasing after her. My jaw dropped to the floor. I could not believe what I was hearing. In that instant, she took away all the credibility my brother’s warning to me could have had. She was an expert in diverting the attention away from her. In that instant she managed to paint herself as the innocent victim whom my brother had pursued. When their little fling was exposed, he and his wife became vindictive towards her. That was the story she spun in utterly convincing fashion, with tears streaming down her face.

I fell for it.

Her cunningly crafted lies, presented in her utterly convincing fashion with tears and extreme sorrow on her face, had me on her side. In that instant, I swore to protect her against all of these perverted bastards (as I believed them to be then).

Just like that, Evil Anne had managed to trap me in her evil and crazy world. Her cute, naive and innocent appearance supported by the masterful way in which she portrayed herself as the innocent victim, won me over with no effort at all.

Today, I will see through someone like her within a few minutes. At that stage, I was too desperate to find a good life partner on the one hand and too inexperienced on the other to grasp what I was dealing with. I simply had never met someone like her before. I was about to be taken to school, big time.

* * *

A new post in the true life horror story – The alienation of my son, Sam – will be published every Wednesday.

Be sure to hit the Follow button at the bottom of this page if you would like to be notified immediately when I publish new content.

Published by Gerhard J. Loots

I am currently completing my Bachelor of Architectural Studies through Nelson Mandela University. I am the published author of Stuttering Joe - Part 1 (Growing up in Sunny Valley). I have also recently launched my blog, called Stuttering Joe, which is based on my true life experiences, personal growth and adventures.

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